amnos_oh_mi_ya | Recent Entries

Title: And... do you regret it?
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: R
Lenght: chapter
Genre: angst, drama, romance
Warning: suicide

His body shivered feeling the fear of the Death in his own soul. He could not think in something more, he had to write an end; his own end. The fear which paralyzed his hand was losing against his urge to touch the boy who gave sense to his life.
No matter how it hurts… I have to end it here…

1 day before

“Ohno-san, you look tired, are you okay?” a woman in her thirties asked Ohno who was lying in his desk for a while as his anxiety was disappearing.

“I’m okay, don’t worry” his voice had a lack of life and that woman ended with goosebumps seeing how the man stood up to go to the bathroom.

His face needed to be washed with cold water in an attempt not to break against the anxiety. It had been like that for some days already and he was becoming worse. He could only feel security in his house beside Kazu; in the moment he stepped outside, his heart was crazy beating, his legs started to fail until the point of falling, he felt dizzy and his gaze blurred losing the control of his body.

Of course all of this was noticeable for everyone but Ohno was stubborn in denying he was ill. Even Jun, his best friend, asked thousands of times his condition and he always got “I’m fine” . In the other hand, Kazu was watching Ohno’s progress in a very difficult situation. He could do nothing and his concern was increasing each day passed. It was not calmed by the gentle words of Ohno, he knew the man more than that.

Nevertheless, the sorrows inside of the working man were hurting his sanity deeper than he thought.

I have to wait a bit more…

Hours before

“Satoshi-kun, can you tell me what is wrong with you?” the boss of Ohno was very angry after watching the catastrophic results of one of his mistakes in the work.

“I’m so sorry…” Ohno bowed so apologetically.

“I won’t fire you because I know you since you were a child. Now get out of my office” his shouts were hard to hold on but Ohno knew how bad he did it and his awareness would have been totally agree if his boss had fired him. He could not concentrate in his work properly and he only got scolds by everyone in the company. His mistakes had a terrible impact on the company’s results and even if his boss decided not to fire him, he did not want to be a bother either.

“Thank you for everything, but I want to resign” Ohno bowed long time waiting for his boss's answer. He did not need a job already. He only needed Nino beside him these days.

“Are you stupid?! You have one of the best jobs in this company. We gave you everything and now you want to resign?! That's how you appreciate us?!” the boss was angry and Ohno could do nothing but looking at the floor listening his hard words. “I don't know what is happening with you but I don't need a person like you in my company. Present your resignation letter tomorrow morning and pick your stuff up. You will regret it” he ended the conversation and Ohno only bowed again being emotionless in front of his boss. Instead of being affected by what he said, he was finding his peace in his life. No more pressure about his job, no more mornings waking up early, no more extra hours working. Now he would be able to spend the whole day with Kazu.

Ohno got out of the office and when his eyes found his desk between people working, Nino was there, waiting for him, for going home again together as everyday since Nino must follow Ohno. They could not talk in the whole way because the rest people walking on the street would only heard the human, but being together was enough to be happy again.

He needed to catch his hand but it would pierce Nino's and feeling it once more would break him like every time he tried unsuccessfully. His pain was growing up so fast that he started to think he was depressed. Even Nino could not fill his emptiness, nor his hugs nor his moments together. He was falling into a deep hole totally dark and empty of love for himself. His heart belonged to Nino so there were no more love to share, it was all for his boy.

In the moment they were in home, Nino could not be shut up more time. He had heard Ohno's resignation and he was so worried about his behaviour lastly. The most days passed, the most Ohno seemed weird and unhappy and no explanation came out from his mouth. He was not a detective either, he could not know what was in his mind. So the last option was asking the same questions once more.

“Satoshi... Why did you quit from your company?” Nino asked blocking Ohno's path through the hallway. Their eyes met and the tension grew up.

“I don't need it” he answered completely sure about his own words and Nino widened his eyes thinking that it was a stupid joke.

“You have to pay this house, the food, the bills. You need the money of that company” Nino said desperately but Ohno shook his head with a smile.

“I won't have to pay it more” he only said that and he sat on his chair to work in something on the laptop like every night. Nino went to the bedroom to control the impotence he was feeling due to Ohno's behaviour. Why?

Nino continued waiting for a hint to know what Ohno was planning. He was quite worried about it but Ohno asked him for trustiness and he was decided to give it to his lover. He wanted to believe that he would fix all, that he would be able to break their limit; even if Nino knew perfectly how impossible it was, his prayers were spoken each night to the moon. When he felt alone because Ohno was working, he watched the moon finding a type of peace which kept his heart with hope. The hope needed to hold on a bit more, to wait a bit more, to think in positive seeing the good side. All the moments they were able to spend together not caring if one was a ghost or a human; if they were there beside each other, the world was forgotten.

That night, seeing the moon, Nino was thinking in all the possibilities about Ohno’s plan. He could not stop his mind of running in circles around the same option. It was the worst to choose but he might be sure that Ohno would do it if he had the chance.

His eyes captivated by the special shine of the moon were lost in the infinity of the dark sky waiting for his lover to come and sleep together as always. Nino had to embrace him because Ohno usually had nightmares. Ohno, who was not scared about anything, could not sleep alone, if Nino was not there with him, his mind refused to disconnected of the world. So Nino had no other option but to sleep in his bed each night even if he did not sense of tiredness. His principal duty was to take care of Ohno not mattering what he had to do.

But that time, Ohno was late to go to bed which was unusual and Nino decided to search for him. That night was colder and darker; the boy had a presentiment of something going bad. His nerves were trying to relax themselves but a knot in his stomach was hurting him strongly. He swallowed when he did not found his partner in the living room where he was working with the laptop.

“Sato-chan…” he called Ohno lowly, his voice was barely audible because of a fear which was storming him out. No answer came back.

He searched in the veranda and in the kitchen but no one was there. Ohno usually disappeared and did not answer but that night was different, totally different, he knew it. Slowly, he approached to the bathroom, the last room to look in. His hand was almost trembling when it caught the latch and he turned it around until he heard a click. The door was opened but his mind was telling him not to look inside. He could not. His eyes found the worst option which was bothered him for days.

Ohno was there, his back was leaned on the wall and his left forearm was covered by blood as the right had a blade between his fingers. He was crying hard as the blade came inside his skin again cutting his wrist deeper.

“What are you doing?!” Nino shouted impacted by the scene. He could not move, he could do nothing as his lover was bleeding out in front of his eyes. He was just a simple ghost who could not call the ambulance or some relative to help Ohno because no one could hear him through a phone. Ohno was the one who could hear him. “Satoshi, stop now! You can't die!” Nino approached the man who realized the boy near him.

“Why are you here?” Ohno asked him in panic. “You weren’t supposed to see my death!” he tried to make a step but his legs failed and he fell on the floor. He was already so weak to walk.

“No! No, Satoshi, you don't have to die. Why?” Nino kneed beside him to caress his cheek with his hand but Ohno could only feel a simple energy rubbing his skin.

“Because of this” he said crying hardly. “Because I can't touch you, I can't be with you. Seeing you everyday is not enough for me because I can't hug you nor kiss you. I can't calm your sorrows nor dry your tears when you cry. I'm tired of talking and talking. I need more with you. I need you and not this damning life” Ohno explained sobbing as the blood did not stop.

“No, Satoshi. That's not true. Life is more important than me” Nino answered breathless. He did not need oxygen at all but he felt like dying again as his eyes looked how Ohno was killing himself and he was still.

“Life means nothing without you” the man smiled as his hand cut his another wrist to end it faster.

“No! No, fuck! Stop, Satoshi, stop, please!” Nino shouted as he was falling into his anxiety.

“I'm scared, Kazu...” Ohno cried and Nino hugged him tightly into his arms. “I want to die but I'm so scared...” his words hurt deeper Nino's soul and he hugged him to accept his decision. He was unable to stop him so it was the last thing he could do for Ohno. It was the last moment with the human alive and he was afraid that Ohno would not appear by his corpse like he did.

“Don't be scared, darling... I will be here waiting for you...” he said but no answer was spoken. Nino knew what that meant but he needed a few seconds more hugging his body. His mind was unable to accept that Ohno had died for him, for being an eternity beside him.

His arms left the corpse alone on the floor as he stood up to pray a blessing for his soul. Then, his body felt two arms embracing his torso slowly. His jaw started to tremble knowing who was. It was the first time that someone hugged him in a very long time and he could not stand more. He turned around to find the person he loved in front of his eyes, like him. His arms wrapped around his neck as he cried hard. He could feel him. It was only energy crashing but it felt so real that he thought he was living again.

“Why are you crying?” Ohno asked and his hand touched Nino's cheek to wipe his tears. He was already dead but his life seemed to start in that moment doing what he wanted to do for almost half a year already.

“You are crying too” Nino sobbed as their foreheads pressed each other's and both started to smile. If that was a dream, it was the best of all.

Ohno became tensed and his smile disappeared. “Can I...?” he asked insecure. The boy nodded and Ohno caught Nino's chin with his fingers to press his lips against his. A soft kiss started to forget all the pain they endured these last months. Now only they existed there.

Nino tilted a bit his head so the kiss could be deeper. Their bodies were able to feel the other and their arms were rubbing every inch of them. It was the heaven.

“Kazu, I still have to do one thing” Ohno said when the kiss ended. The boy did not understand what he meant but he nodded and both waited there long time. Meanwhile, they enjoyed each other as never before. Ohno's emptiness disappeared all at once. All his pain, his sorrows, his fears. Everything disappeared and there was only Nino in his mind. Loving the boy, taking care of the boy were things impossible for him until he died so he was not spending any second in vain.

Then, a sudden voice echoed in their ears.

“Ohno-kun?” Jun opened the unblocked door of the apartment and came in the house calling for his friend as the couple looked him sadly.

“I called him to find my body” Ohno suddenly explained to Nino and he gulped knowing what would happen. Meanwhile, Jun searched Ohno in every room.

“Ohno-kun, are you in the bathroom?” no one answered. “I’m going to come in” he announced worried about his friend. Nino hugged Ohno when Jun started to shout his name as his arms caught his dead body. They continued watching his friend as he called an ambulance crying the death of his friend. Then, Ohno approached him and in his ear, so closely, he talked his last words.

“I'm sorry, Jun-kun”

Ohno and Nino left the bathroom and went to the veranda to see the sunrise together. It was a cloudy day. The sun seemed sad because it did dark colours in the sky as the clouds grew up covering it in the end. It reflected in their eyes as their fingers were intertwined spending the last morning in this world.

When they came in the house, the police had arrived too and an official found the suicide note in his laptop. Jun approached to read it.

I'm sorry for what I did. Now, I'm dead and I'm really sorry for that but I can't stand more pain in my heart. It is so hard to endure. I feel like dying every day of my life and I am in a deep depression which is killing me slowly so I decided to do it faster not to suffer anymore.

I know that I'm selfish leaving you crying my lost but who am I now? Am I Ohno Satoshi? The Satoshi I was before? I don't know what I'm doing here. What I supposed to do with my life. My real reason to live is not in this world, that's why I will search for it. I will fight for it.

Mum, dad, sister, Jun. Thank you for everything. I've always had you no matter what and now I'm only giving you pain to suffer and accept. I'm really sorry for that. There aren't any night that I don't beg Kami-sama for another option but nothing else comes and I can't stand anymore.

I thought I was strong. I thought I could live a successful life. But nothing like this happened and I'm totally broken already. I can't be fixed. This is my end and I hope you will be able to accept it and don't hate me for that.

I really love all these years by your side. Thanks for all.

Ohno Satoshi

Jun ended the letter and his fist hit hard the desk crying again full of pain. Ohno cried seeing his best friend like this but if he wanted Nino, he had to sacrifice everything he had in his life.

“Satoshi” Nino called him. “Do you regret it?” he asked and Ohno smiled.

“I feel guilty about the pain I created but I don't regret it because I have you” he placed the boy between his arms to calm his awareness. Nino was the world he was searching for so long.

“Look there” he suddenly pointed to one corner and both could see the Light. They had nothing to do there already and it was time to go away. Nino started to walk but Ohno caught his hand.

“Before going there” Ohno gulped. “I love you, Kazu” he hugged him. “No matter what will happen, I love you” his feelings were exposed and his ears listened his answer.

“I love you too, Satoshi” Nino smiled kissing his lips for last time before crossing the Light.

They grabbed each other's hand tightly and they walked to the beautiful sparkle as their bodies started to be transparent until nothing of them were visible reaching their complete peace together. Their happiness.

I'm so sorry to update it 3 months after but I had no inspiration for this and as long as it's an angst I have to be full of it to write it with the emotions I want to transmit.
That's all here, I hope you like this fic which I wrote with my heart.
Thank everyone who followed it since the first day and those who joined it after too. It was a pleasure.
Wait for more soon ^~^

Current Music: From The Past ~ Timothy Michael Wynn

Title: No One Should Know
Rating: NC-17
Genre: angst, drama, romance
Lenght: one shot
Pairing: Sakurai Sho/Aiba Masaki
Note: you can read it even if you haven't still read the others three parts.

"Masaki... I need you..." his gasps were lowly but those words echoed Aiba's ears so strong. "Just let me..." his empty mouth became full as Aiba started to tremble by the suddenly action of his partner.

"Sho-chan, not that..." his hands were placed on Sakurai's forehead to push him away but little by little, captivated by the pleasure he was feeling, they rushed the hair until the back of the head and his hips obligated him to move losing all the control his mind was searching unsuccessfully.

The rapper man had his partner, now he could do what he desired since the beginning. He left Aiba's length to stand up and lean his forehead against the other's one. He looked how his friend was breathing harder than when he danced for hours. Aiba's eyes were closed so Sakurai couldn't know what the tallest was thinking. His acts might be the reason to lose the person he loved but his mind was unable to concentrate in other thing but Aiba half-naked and hard in front of him waiting for the next move. Sakurai raised a hand and it touched his partner's cheek slightly as he was afraid of what the cute one might think of him. He hated his body for being so impatient, for needing his heat, his touches, his closeness; nevertheless, he loved it too. He loved how crazy and irrational he could be when it was about Aiba. No matter the amount of women he would have in front of his gaze if Aiba was not there.

*****

He was dancing so hard to fulfil his journey. Drops of sweat fell from every single part of his body as he reached the limit of his muscles. He did not want to stop, he did not want to be behind, he wanted to show of what he was made to everyone who did not believe in his dreams and achievements. But his body refused to continue and his breath became irregular.

Only rage and sadness filled his mind. He felt himself falling onto the floor being a total stupid boy who understood nothing about life yet. His clenched fist hit the floor feeling so much pain to forget the sorrows of his soul. His strength had been disappearing progressively lastly and he did not find any solution.

“Sakurai-san… are you okay?” a soft voice came from the door and his gaze reached a boy who Sho had seen before. The boy was worried, it was evident because of his expression but he did not trust him to tell the problem which was bothering his mind.

“I’m just tired” he said not wanting to explain more. “Your name is Aiba Masaki, isn’t it?” he remembered it, his name was unforgettable since that photoshoot which made together with other 2 boys more. Aiba only nodded looking down showing how shy he was. Sho stood up and walked until the boy. “Even if I’m older than you, you can call me Sho” he smiled trying to be nice and frank with Aiba. A shine appeared in Aiba’s eyes.

“Then call me Masaki, yoroshiku onegaishimasu” he bowed politely and Sho watched how the boy was educated. He liked it, he liked him.

“If you wait for me, we can go home together” Sho proposed wanting a chance to know more about the boy. He was afraid of a reject but he had to try it.

“Okay! But can other boy come with us? His name is Ninomiya Kazunari, do you know him?” Aiba said enthusiastic as Sho nodded about the name, he knew him; Ninomiya Kazunari was an introvert boy in his company a year younger who spent his hours playing with a console.

Both went to search for Ninomiya and go home. The walk was until the station where Ninomiya and Aiba had to get on a train, they lived far away from there, it was different for Sho who lived closer and he could come back walking. Sho was a bit frustrated; Ninomiya and Aiba did not stop of talking and talking while Sho was apart not catching their attention so the eldest thought it would be better like that.

*****

After a few days of happening the same, Ninomiya was ill so he did not go that day. Sho saw the chance to know more about the boy and he would do anything to fulfill his desire. Not understanding what was wrong in his mind, he was nervous. No one of them spoke a word, the walk was tense but enjoyable. Then, they reached the train station and Aiba was going to say goodbye when Sho impeded it with a question.

“May I accompany you until your house?” Sho asked determined and his eyes were intense over Aiba’s. The boy seemed lost by the sudden question but he had to answer quickly.

“If it isn’t a bother for you, I don’t mind…” Aiba said cheerful with a big smile in his face as Sho sighed relieved. Both got in the train and seated one beside other with their arms touching. Then, Aiba’s voice scared Sho. “What does Sho-chan like?”

Has he said Sho-chan?

“Sho-chan?” Sho started to laugh loud as Aiba realized what he said unconsciously.

“Gomen nasai…” he began to be flush and Sho looked him so adorable. He denied breathing again normally.

“I like…”

You…

“I like dance a lot and eat too!” both smiles became bigger and a conversation flowed so easily that they almost passed the stop. His chance to know more about him was a success and his happiness was too much noticeable.

The night was warmth and a soft wind was refreshing their bodies in the middle of the street which they were crossing slowly. They knew a lot about each other already but there was a theme that nobody touched until the moment in which Sho made the step forwards.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“I haven’t… I’ve never had one” the sentence was clear and Sho was happy for some unknown reason. “And you?”

“My classmates always bother me for not being interested in women, so no…” he smiled bitterly and Aiba pitied him.

“They bother me too… They always say that I’d have to fuck some girls so I’d be a truly man but… I don’t think the same…” Aiba swallowed and Sho looked him impressive. His hand wanted to rub Aiba’s arm to comfort him but his mind was so negative that he rejected the chance.

Quickly, they approached his house and Aiba said goodbye to Sho with a big smile and thanked him for his accompany. When the boy came in, Sho felt a hole inside; a painful hole.

*****

After a month talking and going home together, they became good friends but like always, Sho was apart when Ninomiya was near Aiba. He really hated that detail because he wanted the boy for him like that day. He only wished that he got other chance like that to make another step.

Like if Kami-sama had listened his prays, Ninomiya came back home earlier and Aiba was alone. Sho took advantage and accompanied Aiba until the main door of his house again. This time, they had talked a lot more than the last time and both Aiba and Sho did not want to separate yet.

“Well… See you…” Aiba spoke it if he was forcing himself, nevertheless, Sho was not going to accept it.

“Wait!” he grabbed his arm so Aiba turned around to face Sho who was tensed and serious. Sho pulled him by his arm and two pairs of lips met in a sudden kiss. Aiba pushed Sho away right after it started but he only saw desire in his friend’s eyes. “Gomen ne…” his grab was stronger and Sho kissed him again, this time longer and deeper. Even if Aiba’s family could see them or any neighbour who passed on the street, Sho found his freedom in that kiss. Only a few second of pleasure to discover another hidden world, the world he wanted to stay.

*****

“Today I want to come back alone, sorry…” Aiba excused himself from Sho again. Since that night after the kiss, Aiba was avoiding his friend anywhere anytime. Sho felt broke inside and he really did not know how to fix it. It was his fault, his impatient and selfishness acted for him.

“Masaki, stop this now, please” his voice could show his pain and rage.

“Then stop of kissing others you too” Aiba reproached in a mood which Sho had never seen. That part made his rage increased and his anger appeared to catch Aiba’s T-shirt hard and approached him as close as he could. His voice did not come out and a strange desire grew inside of his heart. His lips being so sexy again in front of him. His weakness could do nothing but taste Aiba over and over again in a kiss of which was difficult to scape.

He is perfect…

“Come to my house after the training, please” Sho begged with his heart being a knot and he saw how disturbed Aiba looked. Indeed, the boy wanted to punch him hardly but that anger was created because inside of him, he desired to accept. Nevertheless, Aiba pulled away and went outside the room with no more words.

Sho followed him until the restroom and there was only Aiba inside. Then, he might talk to him to know why he was so angry.

"Masaki... Don't stop talking to me now, please" Sho said in a whisper trying not to feel guilty. Aiba only turned around to face the boy with two intense eyes which Sho felt them like burning ices.

"How can I stay with someone who only kiss me over and over again?" even if his eyes showed that, his voice trembled for an instant for a reason which was unreachable for Sho.

"I'm sorry for this, okay?" only an apologize could be spoken until his thoughts showed the truth which Sho wanted to believe. "I'm tired of everyone making fun of me because I've never kissed or fucked with anyone. I hoped you could understand that but it's reasonable if you are disturbed with it, at the end, you want it with a girl, don't you?"

"Then, all you've done, it's to say that you did it so they would stop?" Aiba seemed odd, Sho could know that something was in his friend's mind but he would never know it so he nodded feeling pain in his chest.

He thought that lie would not be anything important, he could confess other time when both knew more about each other, when both were able to have a relationship. But what was he thinking? Aiba didn't like him, it was clear. If he did it, he would kiss him back.

But he did that...

"Okay, we can try it if this will help both..." Aiba said lowly.

“Do you agree?” Sho’s mouth could touch the floor. It was the perfect chance to take advantage, it was all a lie but how could he say no now?

*****

Outside was raining so hard, a storm was approaching the city and nobody had the guts to get out of their house, unless two boys who were running through the street totally wet. They were laughing and Sho had Aiba’s hand caught strongly with his to guide his friend until his house. There was not anyone that day so his impatience controlled him to spend the night with Aiba.

A lot of water was dropping from their clothes when they walked in the house finally. The two were laughing and Sho decided not to waste the time as he corned his friend against the wall and made sure that both were 100% sure of what they were going to do.

“If you want to continue, then kiss me” Sho muttered out of breath because of running. Aiba grabbed Sho’s T-shirt to be closer as his lips touched other’s shyly. The eldest’s hands which were leaned on the wall slipped through Aiba’s body to search the edge of the shirt and remove it from the wet torso.

“Sho-chan, shouldn’t we go to your bedroom?” Aiba looked troubled to be naked in the entrance hall of an unknown house.

“If you don’t wet the floor…” Sho smirked and Aiba nodded being sure of completing it successfully. The rapper started to walk and the boy followed him watching the design of the hallway amazed.

When they came in a room decorated by Sho, Aiba knew that it was his room. But something was bothering his mind. “I need to call my family to make them know that I will stay here” he excused himself and called them with his mobile. Even if it was a sudden event, the storm was a good option to tell so Aiba got the permission and hang up.

Sho was seated in the bed waiting for him but in the moment Aiba was beside him, the two’s minds blocked not knowing what was the next step. An awkward atmosphere appeared which nobody knew how to break. After a few minutes being in silent, Sho was tired of doing nothing and he stood up to relax a bit the ambient.

“We are wetting the bed now that I remember” he laughed tensed as Aiba stood up too quickly. The cute one was still half-naked waiting for some hint to follow as Sho’s legs could not move. Then, Aiba took a deep breath and his hand caught Sho’s shirt to remove as the rapper’s heart was racing frenetically almost getting out of his chest. Aiba’s fingertips rubbed lightly his abdominals and Sho shivered a bit catching his hand to turn around and use the wall and his body like a prison for his friend. Sho started to kiss each part of his jaw and neck leaving a few marks which would be seen latter. The youngest placed his arms around the other’s waist feeling a bit of pleasure growing inside of him. Sho closed more both bodies and started to rub them searching for more and more contact; his lust was killing his shyness until the point of forgetting the world to concentrate in hearing Aiba’s moans which were louder if he rubbed hardly the two crotches.

He was gaining time to think in the next step, what did he have to do now? The oldest boy was lost and his eyes met Aiba’s for a second to find the solution or at least some hint to continue. The desire inside of him was enough to take the risk of creating the best pleasure Aiba would feel in his life; he was ambitious, yes, but he wanted to be the first and the last who made Aiba to shout of pleasure.

His trembling hands were working on unbuckled the belt and after, the zipper to down a bit the pants and be able to insert his fingers inside of his underpants. He felt how his friend moved against his body as if he was not ready yet, nevertheless he could not stop. His legs flexed to knee and his hand set free Aiba’s half-hard member.

Sho’s mind started to have a dilemma, was he gay? He became harder and harder only seeing it in front of his mouth with the tip a bit wet already. He knew how that worked and what would be enjoyable for the other but inside of him, the desire to lick it had grown up to the limit of being capable of doing it without hesitate. And that desire made him become confused of his sexual orientation. Perhaps it was bothering him in a situation like that but it was the motor to continue their affair as well. And it was a very powerful one.

“Masaki… I need you” his gasps were lowly but those words echoed Aiba's ears so strong. "Just let me..." his empty mouth became full as Aiba started to tremble by the suddenly action of his partner.

It tasted strange; it was an unexpected flavour which made Sho enjoying it in a different way from what he was expecting. His tongue licked the tip and his lips sucked it until it was completely hard. Sho was praying that Aiba were delighting it because he was doing it well but a doubt bothered his mind and made him to stand up and look his partner into his eyes to search information about his thoughts. However he had them closed to avoid any interaction with him so next to his frustration, their foreheads lean on each other and Sho tried to catch his friend’s attention rubbing his fingertips in his cheek. Aiba swallowed nervously and his eyes opened to face his shyness and his partner.

“Why did you do that? We’re only going to fuck not to do…”

“I did it because I wanted” Sho cut off his words not wanting to hear the rest of the sentence which would hurt him more than Aiba might imagine.

The cute one was out of words as he saw how Sho started to remove his pants leaving the underwear on. He could see how similar their bodies were acting because of each touch or gasp. Were both thinking the same about each other?

Before Sho caught Aiba’s pants, the latter did it quickly and his arms wrapped around his friend’s neck to bite it suddenly. Those actions made Sho to be more nervous and his ideas to continue disappeared leaving his mind in blank. Then it was when Aiba changed the rolls and he managed the situation guiding them until the bed and lying on together. At that time Sho remember the next step and what they forgot.

“Masaki, we can’t…” the oldest said in a guilty tone and Aiba widened his eyes. “We haven’t got lube and without it, we may hurt each other…” Sho brushed the other’s hair slightly as he was waiting for the end of the adventure.

“We can yet. If we come, we’ll be able to do it with our cums like lube”

“Where did you learn that?”

“That’s not important now” Aiba flushed. Sho noticed Aiba had a secret.

“Then, how will come first?” Sho said it normally but thinking in it after, it was not normal at all so he giggled a bit.

“Don’t laugh” Aiba smiled blushed. “You. I’m on top so it’s easier” the cute one did not let him to choose the order and without any complaints, Aiba removed his underwear. “Touch yourself, it will be faster”

“Eh? W-wait, why I have to do it by myself?” Sho leaned in his forearms to lift himself a bit.

“Then, why I have to do it?” Aiba said with a pout totally amazed. “Or maybe do you want me to do it?” his remarked word spoke the truth behind Sho’s excuses.

“That’s not…” he became speechless when a sudden warmth wrapped his length to go up and down slowly. He looked down and Aiba had placed his hand over it.

Why is he doing it? Maybe he wants it as much as me?

It was hard to handle. In one hand, he wanted to come hard and be fucked by Aiba, he really desired it; but in other hand, his proud was being hurt. Did not he have to be who fuck because he was a man? In any case, both were going to fuck and to be fucked, that is the deal the two agreed in the dressing room. Although like that, his proud was rejecting the idea.

“Why are you so tensing?” Aiba asked worried about if he was doing it wrong.

“Nothing…” Sho closed his feelings inside. That was not the moment to talk about his stupid proud.

“Just lose yourself” Aiba’s whisper was spoken in his ear making him to shiver and he started to feel the climax. “Call my name…” Sho widened his eyes by his request but he had wanted to do it for some time.

“M-Masaki…”it felt so good. It was totally different from only moan and gasp without sense. He did it again and he found himself completely lost under Aiba’s control. It was the freedom he was searching since he started to be a teenager.

“You see? You got it” Aiba smiled like a child with a new toy and he could not wait more so the cute one raised Sho’s legs holding them by the thighs and his fingers caught the cum Sho threw in his abdominals to spill it into his tight hole. Sho felt the pain when one finger after another came into his butt opening it for reducing the pain he might feel.

Is it what a girl sense for first time?

He was scared when Aiba placed his member’s tip on the hole but an unknown reason made him to sigh and close his eyes waiting the thrust. It was worse than he thought; the pain grew inside of him as Aiba only breathed heavily over him. Forgetting his own pain, he wanted to know.

“How is it?” Sho asked wanting to know what he was experimenting for first time but no answer came out as Aiba thrusted again hardly making Sho arched his back to handle the pain. “Masaki, how is it?” he insisted, he was forgetting a bit of the pain thank to his curiosity but if the answer did not come, he could not focus in anything more.

Sweat was dropping of their bodies when Sho’s hole got used to Aiba’s length and the cute one increased the speed. Sho was moaning loud as his arms held on Aiba’s neck but that contact broke when the youngest lifted to go faster.

“It’s like heaven…” he barely said in a gasp. Sho’s desire to fuck his friend grew as his hand went to his hard member to rub it and end sooner so he could feel it too. “Arigatou, Sho-chan…” with those grateful words, Aiba came inside him thrusting so hard that Sho thought he would break. And after a few seconds after, the rapper man came too over his hand.

Why did he say it?

Sho needed a break to recover himself after two orgasms. Aiba was leaned on his torso still gasping. He was too cute to admire, Sho found himself adoring his partner in silent. That moment being one was the answer for all the questions which filled his mind.

“It’s your turn…” Aiba’s voice echoed the room in an odd way from that cheerful he had.

Sho nodded and did the same as Aiba. After all, he learnt from his friend. During the process, he was realizing one thing and it was that he wanted to do it more times, and being exaggerated, for the rest of his life. That image of Aiba exposed feeling pleasure thank to his touches, gasping because of his lack of control, wanting more after his body reached the limit of heaven was the perfection he wanted to admire each day of his existence.

He was going to taste the flavour of the forbidden. The sheets were grabbed by Aiba’s hands. The tension grew up in seconds. The lust enfolded their minds as they became one again with a simple move of Sho’s hips.

Indeed, it was like the heaven.

His eyes and sanity were blurred facing the pleasure their bodies was handle that night. The rain did not stop and a storm approached the town with loud thunders. The electricity that the sky was experimenting was the same which connected Sho and Aiba.

Expecting that Aiba was not being so hurt by Sho’s thrusts, he did it the best he could to make it unforgivable. He knew perfectly that it would be the first and last time to spend the night with Aiba, with that cute boy who caught his heart since the first moment their eyes met in the dancing room. He loved his friend, but those feelings had to be erased. That was not his future, what everyone wanted for him, what he should do to be accepted by his family.

“Gomen ne, Masaki…” a tear was dropped but it mixed with the sweat so Aiba did not notice it. Both reached the limit together this time. The perfect timing.

“It was amazing…” Aiba smiled satisfied and embraced Sho who hid into his arms to forget his painful fate. He hated it, he did not want it, he wanted to be with Masaki, to be always by his side, but nobody would approve it and his last wish was hurting him in any way.

I’m so sorry, Masaki… But it’s the best for us…

Sho raised his head with red eyes keeping the tears inside. “Yeah, it was. Remember it like a treasure, please” his face showed a smile and Aiba returned it with all his love.

“I won’t forget it, I promise it”

“But, no one should know about it… It’s our secret, okay?” Sho said trying to talk with his best voice.

“Our secret” Aiba smiled liking the game or that was what he thought it was. Both stayed together all the night, embracing other’s body as tight as they could. Sho knew that in the morning he would have to say goodbye to who he loved so he did not sleep to enjoy each second by his side, torturing his mind about what he had to do. But at the end, he was a coward. He always was it and it would not change in one night to face his father, his family, the company and the media. He was not so strong.

His fingers rubbed lovely Aiba’s hair wishing that in the morning some miracle happened but he smiled bitterly accepting his fate, he had not another option.

“Tanks for all…” at least he would not have to live with the regret of not having said his feelings to Aiba even if he was sleeping. “I love you, Masaki…”

I should stop of writting angst, I can't stop of crying at the end ;-;
Well, this is the last part of my first fic/one shot (yes it's so long that I don't know how to call it) which I end yei~~~~
I hope you like it and understand more the whole story. I wanted to do it since I wrote the epilogue but I hadn't time to do it >.<
Comments are welcomed as always and I will be so happy to read you ^^

Current Music: Last Kiss ~ Ken Arai

Title: And... do you regret it?
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: PG
Lenght: chapter
Genre: angst, drama

The morning light was beautiful that day; seeing together the sunrise felt so good, it was refreshing and they could sense their connection. The sun just appeared and some clouds were covering it sometimes making incredible shadows of different colours. It was amazing to contemplate; those moments seemed endless.

Endless like the pain they were suffering since that night when both’s feelings came to light. Ohno was so grateful with Nino for staying by his side but he knew how much it meant for Nino. Nino was searching for his peace for so long and he did not go when he got the chance.

They talked too much about it, Ohno felt so selfish and he hated himself because he begged Nino to stay, he ruined his chance. Nino always said the same “I stayed because I prefer to be with you before there” but Ohno knew that it was a lie. Nino was lying to make him feel better.

Even if they confessed their feelings to each other, no one knew what they were. Being together was enough but their doubt of being more was there, inside of them, bothering their minds each second. Nevertheless, a relationship between a human and a ghost would be impossible. Even if Nino could sometimes touch Ohno, Ohno could not touch the boy. He was so powerless and his heart was in a lot of pain when he thought in that. Maybe words might help but gestures meant another world which they could not reach.

That morning, on the veranda, they were watching the sunrise as all the nights they spent talking. This time no word was spoken, only they needed their presence to relax; they only needed each other to live, Nino was realizing that day after day observing Ohno’s behaviour.

“How do you feel when you are dying?” Ohno’s voice came out slowly, totally absorbed with the sunrise so he could not see Nino’s reaction.

“Why do you ask me that?”

“I just want to know, you’ve never told me about why you killed yourself, I’m curious” Ohno turned his head to see the beautiful boy in front of him with an odd gaze.

“There are things that you should not ask, Sato-chan” Nino became tense but he continued before of Ohno. “It was winter, it was snowing and my mum was with me because we couldn’t go outside. She was full of problems with money when she decided to live alone with me because my father punched her sometimes. I remember how I bothered her, I remember what she always said me “you are an useless person”; “you are only a stupid and problematic kid”. Even if I tried to help her with money, to support her, to be a better son; she hated me, I broke his life and I couldn’t stand more. That day we got an argument and she shouted me “hopefully you were dead”…” Nino stopped a moment controlling his feelings; it was hard to tell for first time since he died. “I came to the bathroom, I did not block the door; I remember how I wanted to prove her words. I found a blade and it sensed so good…” Nino started to cry blaming himself while Ohno was keeping his tears inside. “The blood began to get out and it fell on the floor, there was so much and I cut my wrist deeper and deeper. I know that she was listening how I was crying but she did not come and I cut my other wrist. My body lost all his strength and I had to seat on the floor covered with my blood. My eyes closed and when I could open them again, I was seeing my corpse. After one hour seeing myself there totally shocked, my mum came in and she started to scream while she embraced my body…” Nino swallowed to stop a sob. “I can forget what she said me… “it’s my fault, I didn’t want this, you’re my whole life, I love you, don’t leave me…”. After some time, I discovered my mum’s problems completely, she was alcoholic, she went to night clubs to sell her body, she needed me more than I needed her and I failed her because of my selfishness…” Nino told Ohno slowly, trying to find the correct words. After that, he felt relieved, that story, those thoughts were bothering him for years.

“Do you regret it?” Ohno asked him again for some reason, even if the first time Nino answered no, his words did not tell him the same.

“Of course I regret it… When she ran to call an ambulance, I followed her and saw a cake on the table. It was written “I’m sorry, Kazu” on top of it. She went to buy it with that weather only for me; that was why she couldn’t hear me, I was alone” Nino broke again when his mind remembered that part. He was seeing how Ohno was crying and he felt the worst guilty ever. “If I didn’t kill myself, my mum would be better besides me and I could be by your side…” Ohno felt his world crashing into pieces when his ears heard Nino’s confession. His voice was a sob constantly being unable to talk. He desired to say him that it was not his fault, that all was already alright, but his mental strength did not allowed himself to support his friend.

“Kazu, I…” he only spoke those words.

“What?” Nino giggled bitterly wanting to stop this painful situation.

“I need to go to work, sorry…” he turned around and walked in the room leaving a boy totally confused.

Even if I opened my heart to him, he goes away…

Ohno was working hard on his computer, he tried to concentrate as better as possible but his mind was in other affairs. He needed a break so a coffee was not a bad idea.

He was in the rooftop when Jun appeared behind him. “Ohno-kun, would you like to meet this night?” Jun was his best friend since he joined the company 4 years ago; they went together almost every week to drink and have fun in clubs. That stopped when Ohno met Nino.

“I’m sorry, I’m busy…” Ohno lied; he only wanted to be in home with Nino.

“Are you okay?” Jun patted his shoulder. “You are strange since you moved to that house”

“I’m fine, I’m just maturing so much Jun-kun” he giggled like Jun did but his friend knew perfectly that something was wrong.

When Ohno looked the building again instead of the view, he saw Nino in the door and his nerves exploded inside of him. “Jun-kun, see you later…” he started to run leaving his friend there amazed.

Ohno entered the building and Nino was going down the stairs. He followed the boy until the bathroom where Nino stopped and faced Ohno.

“What are you doing here?” Ohno had to talk lowly; if somebody discovered him talking to “no one”, they would think that he was crazy.

“I can get out of home” Nino said simply and a smile grew in his face. Ohno frowned; that was strange, Nino could not get outside, his energy started to be weak and he had to stay close to the apartment. “Before I could reach the light, I was connected with the house because I died there; nevertheless, when I overcame myself, I had no reason to stay, that’s why I can be here today, because I found other reason” Nino blushed a bit as he felt shy showing his weakness.

“You have to stay close to that reason, haven’t you?” Ohno bit his lower lip trying to accept what Nino wanted to show.

“Closer as never” Nino’s smile became bigger and his eyes went down full of embarrassment. Ohno scratched the back of his neck feeling happy for being his reason. Even if his thoughts had been so negative lastly, that confession made him happy and he felt like a teenager smiling as a fool who liked someone.

Suddenly, when his eyes were looking the beautiful sink of the bathroom and the hand soap which was on it, the presence approached him noticing his energy closer and closer, embracing him as all the nights when he could not sleep. He left his human body for a second merging with the other’s soul. His eyelids were thin, relaxed lines as his senses became one only to feel his partner completely.

There were two hands in his back going up and down slowly making him to shiver slightly; he could feel a body against his, the same height, soft and thin; but he really knew what sensing meant when two lips kissed his neck slenderly. Then, a head was rested in his shoulder.

“I’d wish to be like that forever…” Nino spoke not realizing his words but even if Nino did not care at all, it made a deep hole in Ohno’s heart. He wished it too, and he was searching for a solution. He needed a solution.

In home again, watching his laptop, he was looking for some information. The last days, he was working so hard to find his answers. His eyes were red and his eye bags were so evident in his pale face, his skin was used to be darker but he stayed in home the most part of his time since 2 months.

Nino was glancing to him so worried because of his health. The boy wanted to take care of Ohno but something inside of him, a voice maybe, his awareness or even his shyness stopped him to make the step forwards and talk about his behaviour. Ohno had been distanced from the boy since that night but Nino could feel him closer at the same time. In other words, both had more confident with each other but their communication deteriorated noticeably.

Nino felt alone in moments like that, the silent was a prison and his mind could not stop thinking even a second. He wanted his attention, maybe it was only selfishness by his part but he did not stay in this world to contemplate how the person he loved kept himself in that way.

He moved his legs and the steps against the floor were hesitated, his fear of a reject increased in his soul but he needed to make sure that Ohno still wanted to be beside him. With the man’s back in front of him, his arms raised to slip his hands over Ohno’s shoulders. His fingers touched Ohno’s chest and Nino embraced him as tight as he could resting his forehead in the man’s hair.

Ohno stayed still, he was surprised about the boy’s hug; nevertheless, a sense of relief grew inside of his heart. Ohno sighed to erase or at least hide his painful thoughts as the boy closed his eyes strongly keeping his tears inside them.

I have to be strong… I have to be strong for Satoshi…

No one spoke a word while they enjoyed the connection of their souls. That was the power which made them to continue fighting. Ohno only had Nino and Nino only had Ohno. Their world was not allowed for anyone more because nobody could understand the meaning of their love. They only could trust each other. They only were supported by each other.

“Kazu…” his whisper echoed the room. “Are you okay?” Ohno asked a bit worried about his sudden hug.

“Who is not okay here is you” Nino said bravely wanting to know the truth behind his coldness.

“I’m fine, maybe I’m working more lastly but it’s not important” Ohno faked a smile and Nino exploded not controlling what he said.

“Can you stop lying me?” Nino made a step backwards and looked Ohno’s face when the man turned around on his chair. “You are so odd and you don’t talk to me, I’m worried about you. I don’t know what to do, Sato…” his head was looking the floor and his tears fell finally. Ohno felt guilty, it was his fault, that was clear but, how could he tell Nino what he was planning?

“Do you trust me?” Ohno stood up to face Nino as the boy raised his gaze with blamed eyes as he nodded. “Then, just wait. I’m fixing our fate” his voice was relaxed. His face had a smile. His eyes showed love.

I trust you, Satoshi… But what are you going to do…?

I'm sorry to update it so lately but I'm full of final exams >-<
Even if I wrote it a bit fast, I hope that it is well-written and you enjoy it.
I almost sure that the next chapter may be the last so I will give my best to create the best ending!
Thanks for reading and comments are welcomed to know your opinion! ^^

Current Music: Japanese traditional music~

Title: And... do you regret it?
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: PG-13
Lenght: chapter
Genre: angst, drama

Other drink. More alcohol to drink again. Why did he need it? Why did he end like this?

One week after of the argument with Nino, Ohno was so broken and lost. He did not know why but a piece of his heart stopped of being alive. He tried of forgetting him, he really tried with all his strength but he was out of control.

Why?

He wondered why Ninomiya was so important in his life after only 2 months. 2 months full of confessions, nights spent by talking during hours, funny moments together, but it was empty of loneliness. What he had felt his entire life disappeared because of Ninomiya. Nevertheless, it had returned deeper in his soul. It was unhandled for him; he needed a way to get out of that shit and feel better even if it would be only for a few hours.

He was at a night bar full of wonderful women who stared at him with dirty intentions in mind. Getting one to spend the night was so easy and his insanity controlled him completely. A little flirt and his irresistible smile and he had a lady following him to his house.

They started to kiss in the elevator; the lust provoked by the alcohol was clouding his little reason and he took the woman at his room directly undressing her.

Even if he did not want it, if he did not enjoy it, if he did not desire it, his mind was screaming to get free. He was so rude with her but his body could not stop; his eyes were closed as he sensed a so-well-known presence behind him. He knew that Ninomiya did not leave the house and he was seeing what Ohno was doing but he was not able to control himself to think coldly. He reached the climax and stood up almost immediately.

“I’m going to take a shower, when I get out, I don’t want to see you here anymore” he said with a husky voice, so heartless not caring in the woman who was watching him with a hateful look. Ohno walked until the bathroom and cleaned his body wanting to erase all of that woman, he accepted to do it but he was hating himself for that. He was not like that type of guy who only fucked with a strange each night and he did not want to know anything more after. Nevertheless, sex was the only option to distress his body.

It was like this since the last words which Ninomiya said to him that night. Just one week without him and he became to be the same unhappy person as always. When he moved, he promised himself to change it and thanks to Ninomiya, he was overcoming the sadness. He missed it, he missed the boy, he missed the two months in which he could feel what happiness is.

He hit hard the wall of the shower with his fist as his eyes shed the painful tears that he was saving since then. His head leaned on his forearm which was placed on the wall as he cried feeling the worst pain ever.

Why did he say me that?

Do I mean nothing for him?

Was I the only who felt something for the other?

It did not matter how many times he wondered it, he felt more powerless than before. No answer came to help him and his sorrows were storming him out without a clear path to follow. He was frustrated; even if Ninomiya told him to forget their friendship, the boy did not get out of the house.

Ohno decided to end his shower and sleep until the midday of the next day. His body was covered with only an underwear and his legs walked to the bed in which the woman continued there.

“Didn’t you hear me? Get out of here, please” Ohno said so annoyed because of the stubborn woman. She refused to go.

“You can’t fuck me to kick me out after” she shouted to him seemed so angry and Ohno clicked his tongue. When he was going to reply, a voice behind him appeared suddenly.

“Satoshi, what is going on here?” Ohno turned around and his eyes met one’s which he recognized so well. Ninomiya was in front of him, totally opaque and the boy blinked an eye. Ohno did not need to act to seem surprised.

“Are you gay?” the woman shouted again. “I better go” she stood up and walked through the two men who could not look at other place. Only when Satoshi heard the main door closed, he dared to ask.

“Kazu… Why…?”

“Shut up, why are you fucking with strangers?” his jealousy was evident and Ohno understood a lot of questions.

“Why are you so opaque? Maybe it’s because you are fucking jealous?” Ohno knew that saying those replies, he would not win anything but he was tired of the boy’s odd game.

“And if I’m really jealous, what?” Ninomiya stared at him so deeply and Satoshi swallowed feeling helpless in front of him. He did not answer. “I don’t want any women close to you” he was being so possessive but inside of him, he did not care about that. He wanted to be the first person to Ohno.

“Are you in love with me?” Satoshi took the risk to uncover the truth.

“Is something bad?” he was challenging with his gaze.

“Answer properly”

“Yes” Ohno wanted to laugh for an instant but his mind was shocked. He opted for a simple nod and he walked until the bed to lie down on it trying to organize his mind; his head was in pain, maybe because of the alcohol or Nino’s confession.

Ninomiya was upset; he expected a different reaction by Ohno. Even if it would be bad, he wanted to hear what Ohno thought of that instead of silent. Ohno’s silent; his precious silent which brought him a lot of calm sometimes was annoying him until the limit of his nerves. He confessed his feelings to someone who did not express some show of interest at all.

“Thank you for saving me from that woman” the man said in a low voice and he covered his body with the sheets. He did not want to show his face flushed. Ninomiya stayed in front of the bed being unable to speak. A knot in his throat was drowning him feeling so much pain in his soul.

“It was easy” the boy said sweetly and he raised his head with a smile in his face. Ohno saw it, he saw that fake smile which hurt him because it meant that the boy did not trust him to say that he wanted a reply. He could see how Nino wanted to cry but his eyes did not shed any tear.

“Is lying to me easy too?” Ohno seated in the bed and his sleepy eyes stared at the boy who put down his painful face. “Kazunari, is it easy?”

“No… It’s not at all…” his shoulders trembled full of rage as he searched his courage. “Can you answer me?” he said destroying the bit of strength he had already.

“How can I say that maybe I’m in love with you too?” Ninomiya opened his eyes wildly feeling no floor under his feet. “How can I accept that I’m unable to touch you, that I can’t hug you, that I can’t have a normal life by your side? Tell me how and I will be yours, because I feel broken every time that I remember how my hand pierced you” Ohno swallowed keeping a sob in his throat. He thought that saying it would be easier than it was.

Nevertheless, Ninomiya approached the bed and he kneed on it hesitated to do what he wanted. “Just let me do” he said and his arms were placed around Ohno’s neck, his face was hidden smelling his fragrance combined with the shampoo while his body was so close against Ohno’s.

“Kazu…” he was surprised because of his hug but suddenly something inside of him felt so good. Instead of the last time, he was sensing Nino touching him; as if he was really hugging him. He tried to embrace him back but when he approached his arms, they pierced the silhouette again. Ohno felt so powerless and his chest hurt as nothing similar.

“Thanks for making me love again” the boy said as the owner could know how Nino was crying even if his tears were not real. “Now, I can go” Nino smiled to his friend and he saw the Light when his head was turned to look around. It was beautiful and it had a strength which was pulling him to go there. When Nino wanted to contemplate Ohno’s beautiful face again, he found a terrified one.

“Go where?” he muttered full of scare.

“I’m seeing the Light finally” Nino smiled and Ohno denied.

“Impossible, you can’t go now, you can’t leave me alone now” Ohno started to be in panic as he saw his friend disappearing. Even if Nino transmitted a totally relaxed sense while he was smiling, Ohno refused to accept it. “Kazu, don’t do this to me, please, stay with me” his tears fell down on his cheeks and Nino began to understand the meaning of Ohno’s words. “I can’t live with you… Kazu, please…” he cried desperately as the boy was almost disappeared.

“Satoshi, I can’t keep myself in this world longer…” his face changed and his smiled faded away. His anxiety returned to him as those days when he could not find the Light and now that he had it in front of him, he did not go there. Nino wanted to stay by his side, he realized how Ohno needed him and he could not leave him alone, after these few months together he was all he had.

Meanwhile, its strength was pulling him in as Ohno did not sense his friend’s presence anymore. He felt dead, his heart did not want to beat anymore and his breath was harsh.

Have I lost him forever?

His mind could not assimilate that Ninomiya was not there anymore. He was alone again. He had no one. He had nothing. His happiness, his desire to live faded away with the boy.

Kazu, I need you…

Nino was his lifesaver. He was his all. He was realizing it, that annoyed boy who appeared in front of him became his reason to live a day more. He remembered it, how interesting Nino seemed that night, how disturbed he was because of that, but how his desire of knowing the boy increased so swiftly.

You can’t die now…

His eyes were irritated of crying and his hand started to rub them hardly. He stayed with his eyes closed for a few moments and when he could see again, a silhouette was in front of him.

“Even if I thought that I was ready, I have to do one more thing here” the boy smiled and Ohno covered his face crying so hard. His sobs were loud but he did not care, Kazu, his Kazu, was by his side and only that was important. “You need to sleep, I promised you that I won’t go away” Nino said sweetly and he calmed his friend to make him rest.

Ohno laid down on the bed trying to sleep as he was feeling Nino behind him. Nino embraced the man to make him know that he wasn’t going to anywhere. The boy had a dark expression in his face when Ohno could not see him.

Did I do it well? Did I have to come back?

I don't know why I don't like how this chapter is but I hope you enjoy it!
Maybe too much drama? Cliché? Is it bad explained? I have to stop of being so strict with myself XD
Because of that, tell me if you liked it or not, maybe I can resolve my internal doubts XD
Thanks for reading!

Current Music: Liar ~ One Ok Rock

Title: And... do you regret it?
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: PG
Lenght: chapter
Genre: angst, drama

Ohno had a lot of work to do opening boxes and cleaning the house. He wanted to do it slowly but his desire to see the house complete was so strong in him. Even if he tried so hard to give his best, he could only finish the bedroom.

He liked how it ended: the walls were white combining with the furniture, a big bed with a beautiful painting drawn by him on the top, a cream wardrobe aside of the windows with large and soft curtains and in the other side, there was an old desk with an amount of books stacked there and in the library situated in front of the bed.

When he felt proud of himself, he wanted to show it to some people but he had not anyone to see his room. In this case, the loneliness was hard to control and his happiness faded out. His long eyelashes blinked not to let a tear fall as he left the room. He missed a friend, his mother, someone to talk for a while, even if he could call them in the phone, it was not the same.

He reached the living room and seated in the sofa trying to control his feelings. His head turned to a side as he found the ghost looking at him interested for some reason.

“You again?” Ohno frowned and started to ignore him. At the end, it was not a nightmare, he was real.

“Well, I thought you needed to talk but if I bother you, I’m leaving…” the boy provoked Ohno so easily that he was amazed. Ninomiya smiled when Ohno stopped him and accepted to talk a while. Maybe it could seem stupid to do but there was only Ninomiya to listen him and he wanted to take advantage of that chance. Little by little, both started to talk about meaningless things which they enjoyed, the time spent together filled up their emptiness as they began to know more about each other.

Ohno did not feel talking with a ghost, Ninomiya could be as human as he with feelings, likes and worries, only a real body was the different between them.

The boy was a help to handle his loneliness and they talked each day more becoming friends in short time. Ohno did sometimes not talk so much but he could feel how someone was there with him at least. That was comforting because when he needed some type of advice, Nino was so good in thinking one.

In other hand, having the ghost near was funny too, Ninomiya liked to scare him a lot of times and see how Ohno wanted to punch him as he was unable to do it. They ended laughing like if they had always been together, if they know each other for a long time, if they had a special connection.

During that time, Ohno thought that he was a little crazy but he fixed it with time. It was even relaxing to be with Ninomiya chatting a bit or laughing by his side of something stupid. He liked it, he really liked not knowing the reason. When he returned to home, a greeted was always said to the ghost and a reply was given to him. Deep in his heart, something was glad to have met the boy.

He was not sure if the ghost thought the same about him but his mind realized that Ninomiya was kinder than the first night he spent there. Ninomiya was a good boy, so distrustful but so nice and funny. Ohno really liked that part of him because when he had a bad day, cheering him up was easy for the boy who did it a lot of times without a request by Ohno’s part.

After thinking it a lot of times, Ohno –who never doubted to do something- found his courage to ask the boy a question which was bothering him for the 2 months he had been living there.

“Nino” he called him like the boy told him once. “Why do you always support me if you don’t know me at all?” their eyes met as they were sitting on the floor in front of each other. Nino pouted a little as he was thinking in it and Ohno started to be impatient.

“I’m bored” he answered simply and his face revealed no expression to figure out. Ohno could hardly trust his words. How can a person help other so much because he is bored? Even if his face said nothing, his eyes reflected a strange brightness which made Ohno more curious.

“And can’t it be that you don’t like to see me bad?” Ohno analysed his reaction and behaviour and it was like he predicted. Nino looked away and his body was clearer to see because he was accumulating too much energy as Nino told him once –“I haven’t a heart to feel my emotions, but my energy defines how I am in that moment, if I’m transparent means that I’m relaxed, no feelings are inside me, but if I’m more opaque than unusual means that I’m feeling something so strong”-. Ohno was amazed because Nino could be misunderstanding with a real person.

“That’s not true” he only spoke those words which sounded so coldly and regret appeared inside of Ohno but it did not stop him to provoke the boy until finding the truth.

“And then why are you so opaque now?” he was sure that Nino was hiding something related with him and he wanted to know it at all costs.

“Can you shut up?!” the boy shouted and Ohno could feel a fear running through his veins as the lights started to blink frenetically. The owner looked around him not knowing what to do and when his gaze returned to Nino, he was not there. After a few seconds of that, the lights settled finally but he could feel the boy near, he was nearer than he thought because the boy was watching him since a corner until he could calm himself.

Ohno’s words hurt him for some reason, the truth that Nino did not want to accept was spoken and his mind needed to rethink why he was like that if he had always been so cold and ruthless with others not caring about their feelings. The man could read what he was thinking and Nino could not let it happen because otherwise he would be naked in front of someone who had the power to hurt him whenever he wanted.

How was he so carefree with Ohno? He committed a mistake and there was only one option to go back when both meant nothing for each other, or at least for him. It would hurt, he knew it but that was the price he had to pay for being a friend with a human.

Days after, Nino did not appear around Ohno and the man’s loneliness increased a lot making his time a torture which never ended. Sometimes he walked in the house calling his name but no one replied. His friend vanished since the last time and his regrets were killing his awareness slowly.

Why did it hurt him so much if Nino was only a ghost? Ohno had to admit that it did not matter what Nino was, the boy brought him a good memories and moments to remember in a future. But he got used to find him when he returned of work or when he woke up. Thinking it coldly, Nino was always by his side watching what he was doing or waiting for him. Ohno realized that he was someone so important to Nino and he hurt him with his stupid, selfish questions. He needed to fix it because he could feel the boy by his side but no more than a sense was there.

“Nino, I want to fix what I said the other day, I’m sorry for that, I talked too much and I’m sure I hurt you. I’m really sorry, can you come back?” he started to talk in the middle of the room and he did not care how crazy he could seem, he wanted Nino back. He waited talking more and more, he knew that the boy was there so he had to use that chance. “I want you back because I’m lonely without you, please” even if Ohno did not realized what he said, Nino was totally amazed.

“You are so selfish” a whisper was told to Ohno in his ear, a fear was blocked by a sense of relieve for talking again with him. “You want me only not to feel lonely…” his voice echoed his ears and a shiver travelled his spine.

“That’s not true, I’m missing you” his sincerity was uncovered abruptly and Nino made himself visible. Ohno approached the boy but Nino made a step backwards.

“How can you miss a ghost?” his eyes were full of pain and Ohno could notice how broke the boy was. A huge desire to hug him grew inside of him but it would be useless, his body would pierce Nino’s.

“Because you became someone important in my life, you are my friend” Nino’s jaw was trembling controlling his desire to cry, after so many years feeling nothing, Ohno was making that Nino started to trust someone finally.

“Satoshi…” his name was almost inaudible and Ohno stepped forwards to try what he wanted to do. His hand was raised and he attempted to touch his cheek. The hand pierced the silhouette like if he was only a hologram and Ohno felt a pain in his heart, so hard and unknown. He was sure about what was going to happen but until he did not check it like truthiness, his mind could not assimilate it as such. “I’m a ghost, please don’t forget it” Ninomiya smiled trying to only remember the part where Ohno wanted to touch him and not in which the life-death limits took part. His body became invisible again; he was sure that Ohno did not need a stupid boy by his side to be happy. Even if that apartment had been his house for so long, it was time to leave it and pass the Light. But as always, it did not matter how much he desired it, he could not find it.

Ninomiya was hearing his friend shouting his name to came back and talk. Ohno did not give up. He shouted again and again his name “Kazunari!” but the boy rejected the option to stay longer there. Ninomiya had never felt so much pain in his chest even when he had a real heart. He wondered why he was feeling that, that pain which appeared inside him every time Ohno was by his side. It was horrible to feel; more horrible than living his last life.

“Why can’t you shut up and forget me?!” Ninomiya appeared suddenly shouting Ohno who was still in the centre of the room watching how the boy was totally opaque.

“Do you really want that?” a tear fell.

“Being with you is the worst thing which could happen to me” a heart was broken.

“Understood”

How could I say that?

I hope that this chapter is more interested than the first, now they started to know each other nee?
Like always, comments are welcomed!
Thanks for reading ^^

Current Music: Carry On ~ Arashi

Title: And... do you regret it?
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: PG
Lenght: chapter
Genre: angst, drama

Bit by bit, the room started to be full of boxes with stuffs inside of them. Their weights were difficult to move but between two people, the duty was easier. Sometimes the furniture could bother them to pass with the boxes in their arms as they laughed because of the strange poses they had to make to pass.
After a lot of hours working, the move was complete and the two boys who did it where exhausted while their bodies were resting on the sofa. A few drinks after, the owner’s friend decided to come back to his house.

“Thank you so much, Jun-kun. You have helped me a lot” his face expressed a tired, grateful smile. His friend denied.

“You’re welcome, it was funny” Jun’s hand patted his shoulder to say goodbye and the owner closed the door as he sighed wanting to sleep urgently.

He went to the bedroom and put the futon on the floor, but when he started to undress, he realized how sweat he was; a shower was required. He was alone so he could walk naked through the house. Before he came in the shower, he looked himself in the mirror and rubbed his hair with both hands closing his eyes. When he looked again, a shadow ran behind him.

At first time, he was afraid but his mind maybe was so tired that it could already see even a flying elephant. He focused in cleaning his body with the hot water which was falling over him. He rubbed his skin slowly with a bit of shampoo and when his hands started with the hair, he felt somebody behind him so clearly. His throat swallowed the amount of saliva which his dry mouth could produce. His feet moved to turn around and see what he had staring at his back. His gaze looked afraid to see what he did not want to see and he found nothing.
His mind was so tired of all and he ended in the shower to walk out and dry his body up. His hair was still wet but that was not important, he needed to rest and sleep for many consecutive hours. But when he lied down on the futon, he could not reach the sleepiness; his eyes were so open and the darkness was so unrelaxed that night. Maybe it was because of first night, he thought, but inside of him, he was not sure. He never felt something like what he lived in the bathroom. He would not forget that fear filing his soul for a few seconds in which he turned around to face that presence.

He took the decision to stand up and drink some water, maybe it would help him to calm his temples. Meanwhile, he thought in what it could be. When he talked with the house’s seller, this man did not speak about some ghost wandering around, although if he would have done it, nobody had wanted to live there.
Even so, he was convinced about he was with some spirit towards him. His deeper thoughts were praying that it was only his stupidities of always but his rational part sensed someone more by his side, it was so annoying and desperate.

Finally, when he walked in the living room to catch a book to read, he saw it, he saw a boy, a younger boy looking at him with amused expression, but for some reason, pale and lifeless. His heart stopped a second and his voice wanted to get out like a scream. He pointed the presence with a finger and the presence stared at him unbelievable.

“It can’t be! Can you see me?!” the presence ran until the man and the owner made a few steps backwards.

“Who are you?!” he was shivering and his mind was blocked full of fear.

“I’m Ninomiya Kazunari, don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you” he rose a hand like a promise as his face continued totally amused. “And your name is…?

“Oh-Ohno Satoshi” his voice trembled a little feeling the panic through his veins but he did not move. He stayed still facing that presence who called himself Kazunari.

"I can't believe that you can see me..." the presence sighed relieved and seated on the sofa like if he was a real person in his house. "I was bored with nobody to talk" he pouted and for a second, Ohno saw him even cute. "Sit with me and talk for a while, please" Kazunari was arrogant and annoyed. Ohno was irritated rather than scared and that was unusual.

"I won't talk with a ghost, that's the least that I need today" Ohno closed his eyes frustration. How had he ended living with a ghost? Even if he wanted to tell Jun, his best friend, he wouldn't believe him. It was so surrealistic that he opted to go to the bed and discover if that entire crazy situation was a nightmare.

When he opened his eyes again, the ghost was not there anymore. A shiver went up through his spine and he started to see the room darker. Ohno was telling himself mentally that all was unreal but the fear was squeezing his soul. And then it was when a whisper was spoken in his ear.

"What a pity, Satoshi-kun..." Ohno swallowed as his eyes rolled frenetically around the room to find the ghost but he could not see him. The lights started to blink and he tried to breathe deeply calming his mind to think coldly. It was clear that the ghost was playing with him, Ohno had to give him what he wanted.

"Okay, okay, I'll talk with you" Ohno seated on the sofa seemed calmed and the ghost appeared again faster than a light.

"Good boy" Kazunari smiled and Ohno tried not to punch him hard, among other things because his hand would touch nothing and he would seem so stupid.

Ohno waited for something more, for questions to answer, for more paranormal activities but nothing came. He turned his head to see Kazunari and he did not feel fear, he looked at the ghost analysing his face, his gaze, his hair, his complexion. Ohno found a scared boy, he knew it because his eyes were looking for something constantly but nothing was found. A sense of pity was created inside of him and a strange interest made him to talk.

“Ninomiya-kun, right?” his mouth hesitated and the boy nodded looking him with a serious expression. “How did you die?” his mind was centred in one thing and it was his death; he needed some type of explanation of why he was there. The boy raised his eyebrows and smiled bitterly.

“I killed myself” he said calmed and Ohno swallowed tensed. “I cut my veins and bled out” Ninomiya watched Ohno’s reaction and he was paler than the ghost.

“Did nobody find you?” he asked more interested. “You look so younger to have lived alone” Ohno tried to know all the ghost would want to say.

“You’re right, I was 17 years old but I was always alone, so it was easy” Ninomiya nodded slowly and giggled because Ohno had an anguished face.

“And... do you regret it?” the boy looked at the man thinking how dared he was. Ninomiya liked brave people so he continued answering.

“At all” because of some reason, Ohno felt a huge desire to cry abruptly and he could know that it was what the boy was feeling in that moment. “Okay, I’m not used to talk so much already, go to sleep, I won’t kill you in the middle of the night” his voice was impregnated of irony. Ohno wanted to reply but the presence vanished leaving no proof about his existence.

He was so disturbed and he was not afraid anymore about a stupid, arrogant ghost. His legs could not almost walk and his entire body felt even sick. This time he could sleep. His eyes were closed and his mind disconnected of the world for many hours. Ohno forget about the ghost, about his story and how he felt while listening it and he could sleep finally.

Meanwhile, a boy was seated in a corner of the room watching the sleeping man. He bit his lower lip worried of something inside his mind. Deep in his heart he was grateful for having someone to talk but in the other hand, how would it be? Maybe all his peace could break in pieces with a strange in his house.

It was a paradox, he had dreamed about someone to talk again for a lot of years but now that he had it, he was afraid. His soul was broke enough to receive more pain. He was broken, he could not trust anyone and Ohno would not be an exception.

It's kinda short but I want to see if you like it or not. (I hope that it'll be yes >.<)
Btw, comments are so welcomed, I love read your opinions ^^

This is the first lyric that I get by myself and I don't know almost any Japanese so if you find some mistakes please, forgive me (lol) and I'll be so glad to receive your help to fix it ^^
Treasure of Life is my fav song of the single and knowing its meaning would be amazing, nee?

KANJI

Shine　陽が昇り　出逢う日常はSpecial one
何だって　手を伸ばせば　届くと思ってた
Time　色あせた　アルバムに綴ったMessage
幼いけどでも　揺るぎない誓いを感じた

気が付けば　星空いくつ超えて　どれだけ歩いて来だろう

Treasure in my life　薄暗いまだ見ぬ世界　照らす方がくに当て
To the light　手探りで　いいさ未来への扉叩こう
未完成な日々に溢れてる　限りない好奇心抱(いだ) いて
掴みたい　何よりも大切なTreasure of Life

Rainy day　雨上がり　滲む街に架かるRainbow
くぐりたくて　うがるんだ道　夢中で追いかけた
Pray　疲れ果て　枕元で願おEvery night
不安もない　希望に満ちた　明日を夢見てた

振り向けば　足跡残しながら　築いた奇跡は果てしない

Reason for my life　選ぶのはそう自分次第　目指すべき場所の地図はない
For a while　時には立ち止まって　呼吸整えよう
過去の君現在(いま)の僕に吹く　風向きが少し違っていても
羽ばたこう　誰よりも遠くまでTo stay gold

忘れかけていた　小さな手で描いたPromise
取り戻すから　助走つけてもう一度Dive
Reason for my life　刻んでゆこう

Treasure in my life　薄暗いまだ見ぬ世界　照らす方がくに当て
To the light　手探りで　いいさ未来への扉叩こう
過去の君現在(いま)の僕に吹く　風向きが少し違っていても
羽ばたこう　誰よりも遠くまでTo stay gold
掴みたい　何よりも大切なTreasure of Life　

ROMAJI

Shine　Hi ga nobori　Deau nichijou wa Special one
Nandattete wo nobaseba todokuto omotteta
Time　Iroaseta　Arubamu ni tsuzuta Message
Osanai kedo demo　Yuruguginai chikaii wo kangita

Kiga tsukeba　Hoshi sora ikutsu koe te　Dore dake aruite kita darou

Treasure in my life　Usugurai mada minu sekai　Terasu houga kuriate wanai
To the light　Tesaguride　Iisa mirai e no tobira tatakou
Mikan seina hibi ni afureteru　Kagirinai kouki shinbi daite
Tsuka mitai　Nani yori mou taisetsu na Treasure of Life

Rainy day　Ame agari　Nijimu machi ni kakaru Rainbow
Kuguri takute　Ugarunda michi　Muchu de oikaketa
Pray　Tsukare hate　Makuramoto de negao Every night
Fuan mo nai　Kibou ni michita　Asu wo yume miteta

Furinukeba　Ashiato nokoshi nagara　Kizuita kiseki wa hate shinai

Reason for my life　Erabu no wa sou jibun shidai　Mezasu beki basho no chizu wanai
For a while　Tokini wa tachido matte　Kokyuu totonoeyou
Kako no kimi toima no boku ni fuku　Kazamuki ga sukoshi chigatte itemo
Habatarou　Dare yori mo touku made To stay gold

Wasure kaketeita　Chiisana tede egaita Promise
Tori mododu kara　Josoutsukete　Mou ichido Dive
Reason for my life　Kizande yukou

Treasure in my life　Usugurai mada minu sekai　Terasu houga kuriate wanai
To the light　Tesaguride　Iisa mirai e no tobira tatakou
Kako no kimi toima no boku ni fuku　Kazamuki ga sukoshi chigatte itemo
Habatarou　Dare yori mo touku made To stay gold
Tsuka mitai　Nani yori mou taisetsu na Treasure of Life

If you want to share, please credits.
Thanks for reading!

Pairing: Sakurai Sho/Aiba Masaki
Rating: NC-17
Lenght: one shot (2 parts)

The gasps were echoing against the walls of Aiba’s room. Two men were laid down onto the bed touching their bodies blatantly with their hands and mouths. Sho was on top giving his friend an unreasonable pleasure as Aiba was still tense. He did not stop of thinking that what they were doing was a horrible mistake and he hated himself for being unable to say him no.

Sho began to rub the two bodies and their crotches touched slightly. Masaki was trying to enjoy their last time so he started to bite Sho’s neck as his hands moved up and down on his back to remove his T-shirt. Then, Sho figured the lying he was living out. His mind was stormed out with thoughts of his wedding, his fiancée, his family and work, but it was covered for the alcohol’s effect making him to progress with Masaki.

Sho wanted to see his friend undressed like that time because he remembered how hard he was only watching his naked skin. He leaned on his knees to remove Aiba’s clothes, his T-shirt, his trousers, even his underwear. And it was like before, he felt the heaven in front of his eyes waiting for him; his pale skin was some reddened because of his bites, his cheeks totally flushed while Masaki was biting his lower lip with embarrassment and desire and his eyes was looking at him asking more.

Then, the thin man got up to approach Sho and suck his collarbone wrapping his arms around his waist. That gesture became a hug when Sho embraced him tightly. Masaki hid his head into his friend’s neck and he smelled his scent which was a mix between alcohol, sweat and his natural odor.

“Undress yourself quickly; I want to finish it as soon as possible…” Masaki whispered with a deeper voice. Sho frowned noticing how odd he was that night.

“Why do you want it fast?” Sho asked him while he was playing with his hair.

“Because it is hurting more than I thought” a tear was free to fall but Sho did not notice it. Inside of Masaki, a strong feeling was torturing him in his heart while he was unable to not take advantage of the situation. His mind only repeated over and over that he could not forget it after, but his heart needed Sho’s touches, attention and care. Sho was his until his family forced him to live the life they wanted. For Masaki, he could understand it, the situation was horrible for Sho and he supported his friend a lot in the past. What disturbed Aiba was that Sho obeyed them and started to change, so much that he almost forgot his friends who were always by his side. Since then, Masaki’s heart was full of pain and the only one who could relieve it was Sakurai. Because of that, he was going to have sex with him even if it would mean to ruin his life, all he built to be perfect. Something in Masaki’s mind was telling him that maybe it was better than left Sho to continue his lie.

“Why do you say that?” Sho broke away their contact to look him trying to understand what he felt or thought.

“Just end what you began” his rage was increasing and he did not know how much he could handle. Sho was worried about Masaki, even if his actions would hurt so many people; he hated the idea of hurting him more. According of all those years which they had spent together, Aiba would not tell him more so he decided to do what he asked him.

Sho laid down with Masaki and kissed him hardly while his hand rubbed his nipples almost hard and his stomach. The rhythmic was kept by Sho as he bit and sucked every inch of his skin. Sakurai focused on Aiba’s nipples because he desired to see how hard that action could put Masaki. Sho’s member was aching inside of his trousers but he waited a little more, his lust was obligating him to drive Masaki crazy.

Sakurai’s mouth got down licking his stomach and his belly button as his hand was so close to his friend’s member. Sho could hear the gasps and prayers that Masaki was muttering while his chest was up and down repeatedly and he really thought that he was hearing the most beautiful song.

Wanting to end as well, Sho removed his trousers and underwear under the gaze of Aiba and before Sho placed over him again, Masaki gathered his legs opening them to provoke Sakurai more. A smirk appeared in his face when he saw the move that his friend did and he kneed on the bed to approach Masaki.

“How could I resist to not fuck you before?” Sho muttered with a deep voice which made a shiver in Masaki’s body. Then, Sakurai’s hand caught gently his friend’s member and started to pump it up and down slowly. Aiba wanted more, his mind and body was asking it desperately and Sho just gave him the least possible because he desired to spend the longest time with him.

“I really don’t know, but Sho-chan, please...” even if Sho tried to prolong the end the most he wanted, his body was aching with pleasure which needed to get out.

“Okay, do you have lube?” a horrible idea passed into his mind, he could not be like he wanted to be without lube. Aiba nodded and pointed at the nightstand with his hand. Sho opened the drawer to get a pot and leave it near them. He stopped when Masaki caught his arm before to start.

“Are you sure?” Aiba did not want to hear the answer but those words came out from his mouth so easily.

“Even if I say no, neither of us could stop already” his eyes was burning with desire and fear, but much more with pain. They were like two teenagers breaking the rules and doing something forbidden as they were full of fear, panic and excitement.

Sho picked up the lube and spreaded his fingers. Knowing that Aiba was with other men, he could do it swiftly. He inserted 2 fingers at the same time hearing Masaki’s moans when he moved them and inserted the third. Meanwhile, Sho was spreading his member with more lube because their lusts were in the limit. His fingers left Aiba’s hole and the tip was rubbing it to make his friend prayed him.

“Sho-chan… please…” his words were a moan which echoed against the wall and Sho’s ears. Sakurai leaned on his forearm beside Aiba’s head and the two were so close noticing each other’s breath. Masaki wrapped his arms around his neck to hold on and Sho made an abrupt thrust making Aiba felt complete. As soon as Masaki adjusted to him, Sakurai started to move rhythmically while their moans were louder.

For a few minutes, they were in a different world only for them, without problems, weddings, lies or people who tried to create perfect humans. Sho could sense the true happiness when he tasted the flavour of the forbidden which was hidden inside of Masaki. His friend was his liberation to his new life; he wanted to start a new life beside him, with or without society’s approval. He discovered his true feelings about Masaki.

“Ma-kun… Come with me…” their mouths collided into a hard kiss which showed their necessity for each other. Sho increased his speed and touched Aiba’s member as Masaki nailed his back while the pleasure exploded inside of him coming on Sho’s hand and his stomach. The tense around Sakurai’s member helped him to come a few thrust after inside of Masaki. The two stayed still relaxing their breaths as Sho left a few kisses in his friend’s neck.

“You just ruined your life” Masaki whispered difficulty between gasp and gasp. Sho smiled and denied with his head wanting to explain him all.

“You showed me what is live” their gazes made contact and Sho decided to get out from his body and lie down beside Aiba. For a moment, Sakurai doubted if he could hug his friend and then sleep together, but after all, they just showed how they needed each other, so he grabbed the sheet and covered their bodies while he approached Masaki to hug him. Then the tiredness forced them to sleep without mattering about the next day.

Before the sunrise appeared, a thin man tidied his stuffs into a bag and picked up a luggage which was placed inside a closet. He stopped in front of a bed with a sleepy man over it and almost crying, he left a letter over the nightstand beside a black box.
“Good bye, Sho-chan…” he muttered with a knot in his throat and left the apartment trying to do the least noise possible as his life started to break.

The sunlight burnt his eyes when he tries to open them, his head was aching and his instinct was telling him that he had to get up quickly. His hands rubbed the bed but they did not find anyone. He frowned and stood up finally. He called his friend’s name but nobody answered. He looked around searching for someone but nobody was found less a box with a letter.
Sho opened the letter to read:

Good morning.

I know that when you read this, I won’t be there anymore so I can confess my feelings finally. Since Juniors I’ve loved you no matter what, so being your friend, feeling your care made me to conform and hide my feelings. I never thought that you could love me and even less, you would want to be with me. Tonight was a revelation and made me so happy but it was too late for both.

I don’t think that we will meet again, this morning I’ll take my plane to Australia where a company offered me an indefinite contract so maybe I won’t return to Japan anymore. I believe that it’s better for both, you’ll married, I’ll work to the best company of photography…

Our relationship was impossible. Not because of the society, but because of us. We have so many fears to overcome and no time already to do it.

I hope you don’t hate me and, please forgive me. Thanks for all.

I love you, Sho-chan.

Aiba Masaki.

PS: I hope you like what it’s inside of the box.

After read the letter, Sho was crying like if his heart would have lost the desire to live. His hope to change disappeared as his hands kept the letter shivering full of rage, impotence and pain without knowing what to do. He lost the only person he had loved in his entire life. His mind tried to understand how it could happen thinking that all was a lie, a bad dream, that he was still sleeping by his side and he only have to wake up and say Masaki how much he love him. Sho knew perfectly how the life was showing him the most important person in his life. He was feeling the pain which Masaki felt when he knew that Sho would marry his fiancée.

Sho was thinking in what to do without him, how his life would be since then. He was more afraid than in his entire life and his wedding was waiting for him in a few hours. His guts to overcome obstacles faded away as his desire to die increased swiftly. Sho tried to avoid stupid ideas from his mind while his eyes bumping with the box which was by the letter’s side.

He caught the box powerless and opened it slowly finding a dark green bow tie. His trembling hand rubbed its soft fabric and picked up a piece of paper where a word was written: Omedetou.

The bow tie was hidden on the box again and Sho stayed on the floor crying as his mind tried to choose the right decision.

His suit was making him to sweat because of the midsummer heat. Sho was waiting in front of the church to welcome wedding’s guests. His brother was by his side and the 2 almost complete families were inside of the chapel. Sho had his face darkened but a smile appeared when Satoshi and Kazunari got out of their car and approached him.

“You should know that if we come it’s because Masaki-kun asked us to do it” Kazunari spat with his still-angry voice. Instead of him, Ohno hugged him and blessed his future with his new wife. The couple came into the church and he kept his mind in what Kazunari said. Masaki asked them to come. He bit his lower lip stopping the tears from his eyes.

After 5 minutes, Jun appeared too with his beautiful wife and his two perfect daughters. The oldest ran to Sho to hug him as the rest of the family walked calmly. Sakurai picked up the girl and felt the vitality which all children have.

“Thank you for coming” Sho smiled to Jun and his wife as he made a little bow and the couple answered him in the same way.

“I can’t leave a friend alone in his wedding” Jun said being as cool as always and Sho laughed loving his insight a lot. The boyfriend saw how the family walked into the church and occupied their seats. He was told by his brother that he had to go inside to wait to his girlfriend. Sho just nodded.

He was not nervous or regretful; he was going to do what he had to. That day, he was so cold and sad but no one less his friends could realize it. Only they knew that Sho truly.

The fiancée’s sister grabbed his arms and both walked to the altar where the priest was waiting. Sho greeted him with a bow and he turned around to see how his future wife came in dressed with the most beautiful wedding dress he had seen in his life. He had to admit that she was spectacular but a pang of pity pierced in his heart. In his heart, only Masaki had place.

When his girlfriend arrived, the couple held their hands and he could see how happy she was in that moment. Sho swallowed trying hard to control himself of running outside to search for Masaki as he rubbed a dark green bow tie which was around his neck nervously.

The priest started to talk and Sho only could think in the last night. His last night with Masaki. He remembered all, even drunk; he remembered each detail of his skin and how perfect Masaki was between his arms.

The priest ruined his memories when he started to say the marriage vows. His girlfriend was repeating all the priest said while her eyes were looking inside of his empty eyes. Then the priest asked her.

“Yes, I will” she smiled satisfied and the priest continued with Sho who repeated the vows as well. Then the question came. Sho breathed deeply and feeling the worst person in the world, he answered.

“Yes, I will” the words were spoken almost in a whisper but the priest made them to put the rings. Her moves were quickly and happily but Sho moved if all his body weighed the double.

“You can kiss the wife” the priest finished the ceremony and Sho removed the veil to approach her. He closed his eyes first and then his mind told him “Think in Masaki”. Sho could kiss her and everyone there burst into applauses and blessings.

Sho tried so hard to smile, but he was dead inside.

After the banquet, his 3 friends could catch him alone. They were the only who realized Sho’s mental status. Sakurai did not want to talk but Ninomiya’s anger exploded.

“It’s your fault that Masaki had gone! At least you should tell us what the fuck happened between him and you, shouldn’t you?” Ohno stopped him from punching his face hardly as Jun placed himself in front of Sho.

“He told me that he was in love with me…” Sho blocked a sob in his throat but Ninomiya could not calm himself.
“Then why didn’t stop him and married that woman?! Are you and asshole?!” he shouted his friend mercilessly and Satoshi scolded him into mutters.

“Because he told me by letter when he had gone! Do you believe that if he were here, I would marry her?! But without him, I need a path to follow because I only want to die!” he shouted full of pain and sadness trying to erase the sorrow from his soul being unsuccessful. Kazunari stared at him seeing how Sho let himself fall to the floor rubbing his back against the wall and covering his face to not show all the tears which were falling.
Satoshi and Jun never saw him like that and it was so painful to live. They tried to stand him up but Sho refused it. Then, Ninomiya approached and rubbed his bow tie.

“He gave it to you like a present, didn’t he?” Sho nodded and Kazunari only smiled. “C’mon, stand up, we’ll help you” he caught him by one side and Jun caught the other. The 3 went to the toilet to fix him a bit.

He told them all, what happened between them since the beginning to the last night. By some way, he felt more relieved after but his friends were totally amazed. They asked him if he wanted to go to search Aiba but he denied.

“For once in my life I have to respect what he decided by himself” he answered surely. The rest understood what he meant and then, joined the party again.

Her skin did not taste like Masaki’s, her attitude was not like Masaki’s, she was not Masaki. But thinking in him, he could pass their first night together.

Sho was looking at the dark sky. His eyes were lost on the horizon. He was asked by himself if he did the right thing, what would have happened if he had gone to search Masaki, how much his life would have changed.

“This is the life I have to live since today…” he muttered giving up to his destiny.

He wanted to take other shower because he felt dirty after having been with her. He felt rather than cheating on her, was cheating on Masaki. His mind needed to sleep but he did not want to be in the same bed that she so he closed his eyes there, on the armchair which was by a window’s side.

“I hope you could forgive me some day…” he said as his hand held a dark green bow tie.

I really cried writing it and rereading it to fix the mistakes. This is the end to this one shot. If you like an epiloge (I don't say it will end happy) say it to me on the comments <3
I am not made to angst... xD
I hope you "like" it and thanks for reading! ^~^

Current Mood: Crying
Current Location: In the sofa owo
Current Music: GracE ~ OST Maou

Pairing: Sakurai Sho/Aiba Masaki; Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari (slightly)
Rating: PG-13
Lenght: one shot (2 parts)

A man in suits was walking through a long hallway belonging to one of the best companies of Japan. His hair perfectly cut and brushed, his face showing his best appearance, a briefcase in his hand which is totally care with his nails brightening, a suit which costed too much money and a pair of black shoes which their sole produced a rhythmic sound against the floor.

He was greeting all the people he saw with a smile and a slight bow. His perfect work allowed him to climb up in the company swiftly in a few years he had stayed there. His boss admired all the achievements he got by working hard and dedicating his life to his job but also to the beginning of a family.
He would get married with a perfect woman, beauty and who worked in other of the most successful companies of the industry, with a rich family and loving for everyone, his family and friends told him that he was the luckiest man of the world.
His life brightened with radiant and a perfect future was waiting for him, he worked so hard to get that and be the perfect son who his parents wished, he wanted that they would be proud of him as long as they lived.

He thought that he was happy like that, being perfect in others’ eyes, being successful in all his duties, being the person who everybody wished to be. But inside him, his heart did not beat with excitement, but only to survive.

Only he knew how he was working and working like a robot no mattering how tired he was; how he was trying to love his fiancée at who met through an omiai prepared by both parents to interconnect their business; how he was forced to smile everyone even if he did not like them or he just did not want; how he was paying the price of living the perfect life.

Nobody could imagine that he was so alone without almost true friends, that he only had 4 friends who did not leave him when he had to quit of the company of entertainment in which he did shows, dances and songs. He wanted to keep in but his parents did not allow him and forced him to join the Keio University.
In consequence, all in the company turned their back on and only 4 boys who quitted after stayed with him understanding his feelings and supporting him in all he did. It was hard to meet them when they lived far away from each other and they had their own job and even a family to take care but they were in contact and met almost one time every month.

Sakurai Sho was so excited this time because he would give them the wedding’s invitations. He hoped that they could go, even if his family couldn’t, he wouldn’t mind as much as if his friends couldn’t come.His hands were squeezing them tightly full of nerves as he waited in front the bridge where they usually went when they were so young. In the distance, he could see the oldest of the 5 of them waving his hand to greet him with a smile in his face happy to meet again.

“Satoshi-kun, nice to see you again!” the man greeted his friend with a hug feeling again that strange happiness which only appeared when he was with them.

“Nice to see you too, Sho-chan!” the 36-years-old man smiled with brightness in his eyes. Soon after, while they were chatting, they saw a cool man walking to them.

“MatsuJun!” both shouted with one voice and he took off his sunglasses and revealed a perfect smile as he greeted them. Satoshi and Jun were always so good friends since they met for first time. Sho could remember how he helped them with their homework.

Little by little, Sho started to feel alive again. How his heart was beating full of excitement and happiness wanting to spend a long day with his friends. By the other path, a 33-years-old man appeared greeting them shouting with his high-pitched voice as always.

“Ohayou, minna!” he grabbed with his both arms the necks of Sho and Jun placing himself between them, his typical smile in his face.

“You’re late! I was waiting for you in the parking” Satoshi complained pouting with his cute face to Kazunari who was looking at him lovely.

“I’m sorry, something happened in the way” Sho just stared at them realizing that nothing had changed in all these years. “Nee, is Aiba late again? I’m going to kick him if he doesn’t appear in five minutes” everyone started to laugh thanks to his complaint. Then, it was when Sho realized how much he wanted to see his best friend again, he felt full by his side because he could be himself without worrying about fulfil the others’ expectations.

Immerse in his thoughts, he did not notice how a tall man wrapped his body with his long arms and put his chin over Sho’s shoulder while their cheeks were touching each other. Sho started to smile and hit his head against his friend’s making him laugh.

“Masaki-kun!” everybody greeted him and he hugged one by one after a long time without seeing them because he had to be out of Tokyo for 4 months working hard to finish his 5^th photo album.Sho just stared at him like if he was seeing the most brilliant star in front of him. It was really fresh to have the 5 of them together again because without Masaki was different.

“Should we go for drinks?” Sho asked them and they accepted being in a good atmosphere. He was very nervous because he had to give them the invitations and he had to tell Masaki that he was going to marry his girlfriend. The rest was told 2 months ago and they asked him to tell Masaki in person, Sho did not understand why but he just accepted.

When they came in a bar seating on a table near a corner to talk relaxed drinking some beers and having fun together again. Sho did not find the chance to tell them so before he could, they talk about how the art school of Satoshi was a success; how Kazunari was directing a film by himself for his first time; how Jun had been father of a cute girl for 2^nd time showing them photos and videos; and how Masaki was on a lot of countries travelling during this 4 months no stopping anytime. Finally, they asked Sho who was trying to find the words to tell Masaki and give the invitations, he was almost sweating because of the nerves but he found his guts to do it.

“Masaki-kun, they already know it but I’ll marry my girlfriend in 2 weeks” for an instant, Aiba’s gaze darkened and his smile disappeared, but he regained his composure quickly.

“That’s so good news! Congratulations!” he patted Sho’s shoulder but inside of him, he felt his touch so cold and forced, his eyes did not bright like always and his voice was lower than before.

“So, I want to give you my wedding’s invitations” 4 letters were emerged from his briefcase and each of them had a name of his friends wrote over the paper. He distributed them to everyone around the table and the letters were opened to reveal a crimson paper with a text wrote in an elegant writing. “I hope you’ll can come because you’re busy lastly” Sho showed his fear and Satoshi and Kazunari accepted immediately. Jun asked him if he could bring his two children and Sakurai nodded wanting to meet the two beautiful creatures who had Jun so busy and happy. Masaki kept his look rereading the letter over and over again not joining the conversation as Sho was worried about his friend.

“I had to confirm it because maybe I will have to travel to Australia” Aiba said powerless but forcing a smile as Sho just nodded wanting to not push him to come even if he was the only who Sho wanted to be there.

Also, his friends did not say anything but they could feel that something was happening between them. Like always, their painful glances appeared, their words disappeared and they started to be distance. Ohno and Nino looked each other not knowing what to do while Jun was trying to start a new conversation talking of his 2 daughters.

Sho was fighting inside of him because a pain was created in his heart when Aiba left his happiness away putting a dark expression if he was feeling the worst person in this world. He wanted to embrace him tightly and ask him what was happening but he became a coward a lot of years ago when he had followed his parents’ instructions.

“Satoshi and I want to say something” Kazunari intervened in the conversation between Sho and Jun. When both looked at them, they could see how the couple had their hands caught, it was strange because they stopped to do that since they left the company and Ohmiya SK disappeared.

“The truth is that we are together for 1 year ago” the 3 exclaimed surprised. The couple could not stop from smiling and they seemed so relieved. “I wanted to tell you as soon as possible but Kazu wanted to wait because maybe our relationship would not last, so I accepted” Satoshi looked to Kazunari with happiness in his eyes and his partner started to flush, which was so rare because Kazunari was always so outgoing and they could see him like that counted times.

“Why wouldn’t your relationship last?” Sho asked interested for some reason and both made a bittersweet smile.

“You know how the society accepts a gay couple… We were so afraid that our families could even hate us. Fortunately, they accepted us perfectly and well, we can see that you too, so thank you guys” they made a slight bow and Sho just nodded realizing that they were able to fight against the fear which was produced for the society’s rejection, thing that he could not do.

Suddenly, a smile was reflected in Aiba’s face and he excused himself to go to toilet as he stood up and left the table. The 4 were worried about his behaviour but no one knew what to do because it was so unusual to see Aiba like that. Something woke up inside of Sho and he told them that he was going to talk to him to find out what was happening to him.He walked to the toilet as a fear hurt his stomach like if something was squeezing it tightly. His arm pushed the door in order to open it and he found a man leaned on the sink with his head looking down.

“Masaki-kun…” Sho called him and he looked up swiftly if he was in a trouble. Their gazes made contact and they realized how their friendship had changed.

“Why are you going to marry that woman?” his words spat from his mouth as his voice sounded broken. Sho was amazed seeing how his best friend was jealous for some reason he could not understand yet.

“Why are you asking me that?” Sakurai started to be disturbed, he did not wanted to hear the mistake he was going to do marrying that woman and even less from Aiba.

“Because you don’t love her. I really don’t know why you are trying so hard to be perfect even when you has a lot of imperfections which I…” Aiba stopped abruptly swallowing scared of talking more than he wanted.

“Which you what? I’m trying nothing, you understand nothing. Why are you like that?” Sho was attempting to hide his furious but it was in vain, this fight was killing him like a knife in his heart. He could see how Aiba was shivering and a tear fell from his right eye.

“Even if you always wanted to please everyone around you, you didn’t do it for others, you did it for yourself, for being accepted for everybody. You are the most selfish person that I could meet” he said in a whisper. Sho wanted to reply, to stop him when Masaki walked by his side to leave the toilet, to tell him the truth but his coward was dominating him, his fears appeared again destroying his mind slowly, like if it was torturing him in a maze from where he could not get out.
Sho was still fighting with himself and with his feelings. He never appraised his best friend in all these years and he realized how he needed him by his side, his smile, his voice telling that everything would be okay; but he was stupid and he lost him because he never took care of Masaki.
In his mind, there were only memories of the 2 of them playing, talking during hours, crying together, hugging each other. Nevertheless one moment was echoing in his head making him to understand Aiba’s feelings for first time.

Sho came out from the toilet and approached the table to see that Masaki was not there and his stuffs either. His 3 friends stared at him asking with their gazes.

“Where is Masaki-kun?” now he only could think in him. He could not try to explain their situation if all was not clear yet.

“He went away. He was crying and I followed him outside to ask what happened, he only shouted me and I froze, I never saw him like that” Ohno told Sho almost disturbed with both for being so stubborn and selfish.

“Sho-chan, he really hated the idea that you could marry a woman you didn’t love someday, try to give him some time to accept it” Ninomiya explained calmed but so worried for his best friend. Ohno noticed it and grabbed his hand tightly. That action annoyed so much Sho with no reason and he flew of his handles.

“I love her, okay? Stop from getting into my life” he almost shouted them and left the bar needing some fresh air. He never hated himself so much until that day but he did not stop of asking himself why he was so disturbed with his friends.

He reached his house regretfully and searched for his keys. When the door was opened, he could hear steps approaching him fast and a woman appeared in front of him. She was beautiful, with long, brown hair, 2 radiant eyes, thin and a bit shorter than him.

“Okaeri, darling!” the woman greeted him with a brilliant smile and Sho just forced one because he did not want to explain her what happened, he did not want to talk her in that moment.

“Tadaima…” he muttered to be polite but he removed his shoes and went to the bedroom wanting to sleep and forget all.

“Nee, darling… Can we have fun tonight…?” the woman seated by his side closer and her hand rubbed his thigh provoked. Sho pulled it aside being so surly.

“I told you that my family is so conservative and I don’t want it after getting married” he just excused himself with a lie like always. “I want to sleep, today was hard” he started to undress and put his pyjamas. The woman apologized and got out from the room as he laid down onto the bed. Every time he closed his eyes, Masaki appeared in front of him crying and shivering. When he got to be sleep, it became a dream and Masaki complained him over and over as he tried to catch his friend no successful.

The days passed and his nightmares did not stop any night. He tried to call him but Masaki just hung up. Then he was calling the others but Ninomiya was so angry with him since the last time that he hung him up too. Ohno talked to him coldly to find a solution but Ohno ended jaded to only hear excuses and he stopped to pick up his calls. Jun was attempting to understand his situation but like Ohno, he only heard excuses over and over so he said him directly that everyone was already tired of him.

Being alone, without a person to call, feeling worse than a shit and wanting to die in that moment, he just went to work being a mess and doing all badly. His boss was worried because it was odd in him and Sho only replied putting the wedding like an excuse. His superior took the decision to give him a week like a holiday to relax until his wedding.

Since then, he did not get out from his room, drinking a lot of alcohol and trying to forget Masaki’s image from his mind. His fiancée was worried for him, she never saw him like that and she decided to help him to stop drinking, take a shower even if she had to clean him and force Sho to eat something.

“C’mon honey, you need to be well for tomorrow” she talked softly to him.

“What happen tomorrow?” he said strangely as he searched in his mind but he was so tired that he gave up.

“Our wedding is tomorrow” she was hurt because he forgot that important date. Suddenly, a fear dag deeply into his heart and he needed his friends rather than never.

“Do you matter if I spend the night out? I have to do something so important” he stood up and looked into her brown eyes, she denied smiling and he kissed his cheek softly. “Thank you” he ran out from the room and took a shower to remove alcohol odor from his body.

He got into the car and started to drive in the middle of the night setting aside his coward for the first time in his life. His mind was racing with fears to control, feelings to put in order and words to tell as he decided to stop from being an asshole and try to fix his mistakes instead of making excuses. He could control his life finally and something was born inside of him.

He reached a block of apartments and he remembered which was the correct to ring the bell. His fears increased and he found himself asking why he was doing that. His reply was simple: I need someone.

His finger pushed the bell and he could hear a sound echoing the apartment. He waited impatiently if the time was passing so slowly. A click was produced and the door was opened to let appear a tall, thin man.

“Sho” the man called his name being so surprise and Sakurai forced himself to talk even if it was a whisper.

“I want to talk with you” his voice trembled but it came out louder enough to be heard.

“We have nothing to talk” the man went to close the door but Sho impeded it with his hands opening it full and hugging the man tightly around his neck.

“Masaki, I need you” he whispered with a knot in his throat. His eyes were crying but he did not realize it, he was only waiting his answer. Masaki was in shock but he became so weak that his arms wrapped around Sho’s waist.

“Why do you do that to me?” Masaki asked painfully feeling his heart breaking in pieces. “Your wedding is tomorrow…” he was so lost in Sho’s hug that he forgot his anger and hugged him tighter.

“Forget that. I want to spend the last night with you, like that time when we…” he was too flushed that he could not continue talking. Having asked him for a night was the craziest thing he had done in his life but it felt so good and relieved.

“What? Sho-chan, you smell like alcohol, come inside and drink water first” Masaki did not believe him because his odor but Sho was serious in his decision.

Meanwhile, both walked in the apartment and seated in the living room. Masaki brought a glass of water and gave it to Sho. “Drink” Sho drank a bit and left the glass on the table but Masaki was not satisfied. “All” Sho rolled his eyes and he drank all the water of the glass to please his friend. Aiba seated by his side no knowing what to say having forgotten his proposition.

“I was serious about spend the night together” Sho glanced him quickly to discover Aiba looking the floor between his legs.

“And you are drunk. We can’t repeat it. In that time we were young and curious, we just experimented together” his voice was bittersweet remembering how good it felt. Sho gave him a point, he was drunk but he was feeling free for first time.

“Then take it like another experiment” Sho approached Masaki wanting to place himself over him but the man just got apart suffering more than Sho thought.
“You should stop; your wedding is tomorrow…” he said but Sho approached him again no allowing him to scape and forced him to lay onto the floor as he put over him.

“Fuck the wedding. Now I only care about you” Sakurai’s lips touched his as Masaki wrapped his arms around his neck feeling so powerless to try to stop him. Both separated and the thin man denied almost laughing.

“What happens here today, it will be a mistake tomorrow, won’t it?” his words came slowly and painfully from his mouth which just kissed Sho.

“I’m sorry…” Sho hated himself a bit more when he realized that he could not cancel his wedding already. He would betray his fiancée and he would hurt his friend. He really was so selfish like Aiba said. Masaki just denied with his head and being selfish too, he kissed him hardly to continue what Sho asked.

I really loved writting it. So I hope that you'll like too ^^
It's only one part of it, but I'm not going to make it so long.
Comments to know what you think of it would be so great!
Thank you for reading >~<

Current Mood: Tired XD
Current Location: In the sofa owo
Current Music: None

[Note before reading: this chapter take part at the same time as the last]

Aiba was reading a book before sleep because he was almost not tired yet. His day was full of work even being the first he stayed there. He had met a lot of people to talk and spend some time having fun. It was something new in his life; he was from Chiba and all was different there. He enjoyed both but live new experiences and meet a lot of places and people made him feel alive. Nevertheless, he needed a little time for him to be alone and relax his mind from the jams.

The room was in silent, only he produced some noise when he passed the pages or laughed because the book which he was reading about the adventures of a crazy man. He liked the ambient, so calm and relaxed, perfect before a chaotic day.

But something began to break his precious silent. He started to listen some noises on the adjoining room which belonged to Ninomiya; he knew it because his voice was so high and annoying that he couldn’t forget it. He paid attention to try to find out what he was doing to provoke that sounds. The strange noises increased of volume and he only recognized it when it was so evident. He was hearing Ninomiya moaning.

His breath stopped for a moment no believing his roommate moaning like that. He was so disturbed hearing him that he stood up and got out from his room to search Sakurai who knew the story about Ninomiya and Ohno and told him what he was hearing in order to help him to think in a theory.

He walked through the hallway almost running and knocked Sakurai's door softly because maybe he was already sleeping. An approval was barely said and Aiba came in the room closing the door quickly. Sakurai was in the bed ready to rest but he seated to ask him what happened. Aiba was still a few moments as he watched the style of Sakurai’s room, it looked like the others but he could see how different it was.

Aiba approached the bed hesitated and seated over it, his face almost white. "I think that I'm listening Ninomiya-kun moaning" he whispered so lowly that his roommate thought he had heard him wrong giggling unbelievably.

"No way, you should sleep Aiba-kun, you already hear strange things" he patted his shoulder gently trying to calm his roommate with a lovely smile which Aiba loved.

"You must believe me! I'm telling the truth, come with me if you don't trust me" he pouted annoyed and got up catching a Sakurai's arm to force him to follow him until the room. He hesitated but he gave him a vote of confidence because his mind’s voice was telling him that maybe he was right and he was losing an opportunity to stay by his side although he did not know why he wanted to be near him.

Both reached Aiba's room. Sho was impacted because he thought that his room would be a mess like his owner and it was totally clean and tidied. They opted to seat on the bed waiting for the supposed moans he was listening before. After a few moments, they could hear them perfectly.

"They are even louder" Aiba said impressed and Sakurai did not talk being too overwhelming. Neither of them moved even a muscle, it was normal to make love, they were young and free to do want they wanted but it was the second day and no woman was heard inside there, only two men who they recognized well.

“Ninomiya-kun and Ohno-kun?” Sakurai tried to put in order his mind which was aching in surprise. Their moans were higher and they felt there so incommoded. Aiba just thought in what Ninomiya was feeling for doing it with a man, he always wanted to prove it but he did not find someone to and he did not like any women, so he preferred to wait to the perfect person.

“Nee, I can’t sleep with this noise. Can I sleep with you this night?” the cutest asked so embarrassed because they did not know each other enough to have so much confidence to ask such suggestion without being flushed. Sakurai swallowed being nervous as soon as he heard his roommate’s question. He did not matter of sleeping with him but he was sure that he would not sleep if Aiba were by his side. Even so, Sakurai nodded with a shy smile as Aiba thanked him happily.

They returned back to the oldest room and their bodies paralyzed when they realized that there was only one bed to sleep. Aiba was stubborn to sleep on the floor with a sheet and a pillow but Sakurai denied over and over telling him that both could sleep together without touch the other. They 2 felt doubtful; being together alone rattled them with no reason. Nevertheless, they laid down on the bed, Aiba by the side of the wall and Sakurai was in the limit of the bed, no part touching with other, and their backs were looking each other. Aiba just stared at the wall in the middle of the darkness full of nervous but he could sleep. Instead, Sakurai couldn’t sleep although he was already so tiredbut the knowledge that Aiba was behind him was killing him.

After half an hour, he was still in the same position but some movements behind made him be tense. His arm, shoulder and leg started to hurt and he needed to move quickly so he turned around to lean on his left side. He found a sleepy boy so close from him with his mouth slightly opened and a terrible desire to caress him appeared in Sakurai which was hard to handle, he was the cutest person he saw in his life.

Aiba approached him while he was dreaming something and searching some warmth. A few centimetres were separating them as Sakurai’s desire grow swiftly even when he tried to control himself and closed his eyes to not think in his actual situation. His attempts were failing and a hand moved to Aiba’s waist approaching himself against his roommate feeling that he was doing something so bad and forbidden.

When the sleepy boy sensed the heat source, he snuggled against Sakurai placing his head over his chest and forcing his roommate to stand face up. An Aiba’s arm made his way over Sakurai’s waist holding him tightly as the oldest began to doubt that maybe he had slept and he was dreaming.
Little by little, his eyes started to close feeling all his tiredness at once and finally he could sleep almost an hour after of going to the bed.

His rest seemed to end quickly because some movements by his side woke him up. His head was aching with no reason and he only felt someone over him moving incessantly. His eyelids got be opened and he saw his roommate on top of him sleepy yet as he was whispering something which he couldn’t understand.

Aiba was so heavy and Sakurai needed to get him apart, then he caught his arms and pushed him to one side. In the process, he sensed something between his legs hard and he stopped immediately. He watched the sleepy boy who continued moaning and moving in his dreams and he felt more and more hard.

“He’s fucking erotic” Sakurai said to himself and he pushed him away totally to get up and see his physical condition. Something was wrong in his mind, that couldn’t happen to him, he was 100% sure that he liked women. Why was he hard with Aiba? What did he have to provoke him so much?

He searched for the reason looking at his roommate and he found Aiba face up, with the sheet covering only until his waist. Sakurai stared his shaken hair with which he looked so good-looking and for some reason he descried a pronounce bulge between his legs. Sakurai was amused rather than surprised. Why did that happen to him? He couldn’t believe his luck and he required to get out of there to calm himself with cold water so he went to the bathroom and his hand opened the water tap on the sink.

His crotch was still hurting a little but it did not notice. He could return to his bedroom and wake up his roommate to go class; it was already 6:35 am. In the way back, he found Ohno walking through the hallway and he took the decision to tell him about last night.

“Nee, Ohno-san” his voice was unusually tired. “If you want to have sex with Ninomiya-kun, I’m okay with that, but leave others sleep because Aiba had to stay in my room thanks to your moans” he was so direct that Ohno was surprised and his eyes were almost escaping from his orbits.

“I’m so sorry… It won’t happen again” he flushed a lot and his gaze was lowered to the floor ashamed. Sakurai did not say anything more but he patted his shoulder to know him that he was not disturbed, only tired. Ohno came in Ninomiya’s room and Sakurai sighed understanding how their relationship was progressing.

Without more hesitations, he came back to his room and Aiba greeted him happily. Sakurai took time to react but he received his roommate with a smile feeling realized for some reason. The cutest was seated over the bed and both could feel how their friendship made a step forwards. Sakurai seated by his side asking him how he had slept so Aiba answered so relaxing and warm.

“Of course! You slept over me all the night embracing me” Sakurai started to laugh as he saw Aiba ashamed covering his face being the shyest man on the world.

“Tell me that you are kidding me!” he begged but Sakurai denied with his head loving his reaction, so much cute that he was melting inside. “And what did you do?” Aiba stared him still flushed as Sakurai was thinking in tell him the truth or lie him. He preferred to be sincere with a small tint.

“I just used you like a teddy to hold” his voice was full of embarrassment and fear because Aiba’s reaction but the boy only pouted cutely and both started to giggle enjoying the moment.

“That’s not fair, I want to know how it feels to embrace you” Sakurai froze as soon as he heard his words and he saw a perfect chance to hug him again. He could only see the innocence into Aiba’s eyes as he hesitated to make his move or not.

“C’mon here then” he spat those words no thinking as he realized what he had said. Aiba felt like a child suddenly and his desire to hug Sakurai grow up so faster than he did not understand why he wanted his hug so much but he saw his arms opened to receive him and his lack of control appeared almost jumping over Sakurai. Both fell onto the bed as they laughed together if they were playing an innocent game.

Aiba leaned on his forearms to look at his roommate as Sakurai’s hands were placed in his hips slowly. The laugher disappeared and the boys only watched each other with their hearts racing. Sakurai could notice how Aiba swallowed and bit his lower lip. One of Aiba’s hand touched his cheek softly and being a mess, he got down his head until his lips was placed against Sakurai’s. Some seconds which were like minutes became so important in the oldest’s mind as Aiba seemed to reconsider his action that he separated his abruptly and his face reflected a panic which hurt Sakurai.

“I’m sorry!” he apologized as he stood up and his roommate did not how to handle with the situation.
“It’s okay” he said with a fake smile but Aiba was so embarrassed and hurt that he preferred to leave the room apologizing over and over again. “Masaki-kun!” he shouted him but he did not return. His fists were clenched powerless as he felt broke a little. “Of course it’s not okay…”

Aiba almost ran through the hallway and he found Matsumoto in the kitchen having his breakfast. The youngest asked him if he was okay but Aiba denied. He seated on a chair and dag his fingers between his hair as Matsumoto asked him again wanting to help him.

“I just kissed Sakurai-kun” he stared at his roommate who was stunned. “I don’t know why, I just did it” Matsumoto was completely surprised about the couple but it did not stop him to try to comfort his partner.

“Well, there’re times that it happens and you don’t know why but it doesn’t mean anything, be quiet” the boy smiled him and Aiba thanked him his support, meanwhile Sakurai walked in the kitchen.

“Nee, Masaki-kun, what you did before it’s okay, don’t worry about it” he patted his shoulder trying to help him to not storm himself out. Matsumoto tried to get better their friendship and Aiba started to giggle being ashamed.

“Okay, maybe I just overreacted, I’m sorry, but if you call me Masaki-kun, can I call you Sho-chan?” Sakurai laughed loudly and accepted so amused about his imagination.

After a few laughs more, Matsumoto and Aiba left the kitchen to go to class and Sakurai was alone preparing his breakfast. His face darkened and the kiss did not stop to return to his mind storming him out.

“Sho-chan, nee?” his voice was almost not audible and his chest hurt more than he wanted.

I hope you like it, it is longer than normal but I was too much inspirated this time and Sakuraiba needed a chapter to make a progress too, nee?
Thanks for reading!

Current Mood: hungry >-
Current Location: In the sofa owo
Current Music: Uncontrolled Love OST

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Tomo-kun

August 2017

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Dreamland

~We're like an old married couple~

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And... Do You Regret It? [FINAL]

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Treasure of Life ~ Arashi [Lyrics]

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August 2017

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