And... do you regret it? [Fic 4/?]

[amnos_oh_mi_ya]

Title: And... do you regret it?
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: PG
Lenght: chapter
Genre: angst, drama

The morning light was beautiful that day; seeing together the sunrise felt so good, it was refreshing and they could sense their connection. The sun just appeared and some clouds were covering it sometimes making incredible shadows of different colours. It was amazing to contemplate; those moments seemed endless.

Endless like the pain they were suffering since that night when both’s feelings came to light. Ohno was so grateful with Nino for staying by his side but he knew how much it meant for Nino. Nino was searching for his peace for so long and he did not go when he got the chance.

They talked too much about it, Ohno felt so selfish and he hated himself because he begged Nino to stay, he ruined his chance. Nino always said the same “I stayed because I prefer to be with you before there” but Ohno knew that it was a lie. Nino was lying to make him feel better.

Even if they confessed their feelings to each other, no one knew what they were. Being together was enough but their doubt of being more was there, inside of them, bothering their minds each second. Nevertheless, a relationship between a human and a ghost would be impossible. Even if Nino could sometimes touch Ohno, Ohno could not touch the boy. He was so powerless and his heart was in a lot of pain when he thought in that. Maybe words might help but gestures meant another world which they could not reach.

That morning, on the veranda, they were watching the sunrise as all the nights they spent talking. This time no word was spoken, only they needed their presence to relax; they only needed each other to live, Nino was realizing that day after day observing Ohno’s behaviour.

“How do you feel when you are dying?” Ohno’s voice came out slowly, totally absorbed with the sunrise so he could not see Nino’s reaction.

“Why do you ask me that?”

“I just want to know, you’ve never told me about why you killed yourself, I’m curious” Ohno turned his head to see the beautiful boy in front of him with an odd gaze.

“There are things that you should not ask, Sato-chan” Nino became tense but he continued before of Ohno. “It was winter, it was snowing and my mum was with me because we couldn’t go outside. She was full of problems with money when she decided to live alone with me because my father punched her sometimes. I remember how I bothered her, I remember what she always said me “you are an useless person”; “you are only a stupid and problematic kid”. Even if I tried to help her with money, to support her, to be a better son; she hated me, I broke his life and I couldn’t stand more. That day we got an argument and she shouted me “hopefully you were dead”…” Nino stopped a moment controlling his feelings; it was hard to tell for first time since he died. “I came to the bathroom, I did not block the door; I remember how I wanted to prove her words. I found a blade and it sensed so good…” Nino started to cry blaming himself while Ohno was keeping his tears inside. “The blood began to get out and it fell on the floor, there was so much and I cut my wrist deeper and deeper. I know that she was listening how I was crying but she did not come and I cut my other wrist. My body lost all his strength and I had to seat on the floor covered with my blood. My eyes closed and when I could open them again, I was seeing my corpse. After one hour seeing myself there totally shocked, my mum came in and she started to scream while she embraced my body…” Nino swallowed to stop a sob. “I can forget what she said me… “it’s my fault, I didn’t want this, you’re my whole life, I love you, don’t leave me…”. After some time, I discovered my mum’s problems completely, she was alcoholic, she went to night clubs to sell her body, she needed me more than I needed her and I failed her because of my selfishness…” Nino told Ohno slowly, trying to find the correct words. After that, he felt relieved, that story, those thoughts were bothering him for years.

“Do you regret it?” Ohno asked him again for some reason, even if the first time Nino answered no, his words did not tell him the same.

“Of course I regret it… When she ran to call an ambulance, I followed her and saw a cake on the table. It was written “I’m sorry, Kazu” on top of it. She went to buy it with that weather only for me; that was why she couldn’t hear me, I was alone” Nino broke again when his mind remembered that part. He was seeing how Ohno was crying and he felt the worst guilty ever. “If I didn’t kill myself, my mum would be better besides me and I could be by your side…” Ohno felt his world crashing into pieces when his ears heard Nino’s confession. His voice was a sob constantly being unable to talk. He desired to say him that it was not his fault, that all was already alright, but his mental strength did not allowed himself to support his friend.

“Kazu, I…” he only spoke those words.

“What?” Nino giggled bitterly wanting to stop this painful situation.

“I need to go to work, sorry…” he turned around and walked in the room leaving a boy totally confused.

Even if I opened my heart to him, he goes away…

 

 

Ohno was working hard on his computer, he tried to concentrate as better as possible but his mind was in other affairs. He needed a break so a coffee was not a bad idea.

He was in the rooftop when Jun appeared behind him. “Ohno-kun, would you like to meet this night?” Jun was his best friend since he joined the company 4 years ago; they went together almost every week to drink and have fun in clubs. That stopped when Ohno met Nino.

“I’m sorry, I’m busy…” Ohno lied; he only wanted to be in home with Nino.

“Are you okay?” Jun patted his shoulder. “You are strange since you moved to that house”

“I’m fine, I’m just maturing so much Jun-kun” he giggled like Jun did but his friend knew perfectly that something was wrong.

When Ohno looked the building again instead of the view, he saw Nino in the door and his nerves exploded inside of him. “Jun-kun, see you later…” he started to run leaving his friend there amazed.

Ohno entered the building and Nino was going down the stairs. He followed the boy until the bathroom where Nino stopped and faced Ohno.

“What are you doing here?” Ohno had to talk lowly; if somebody discovered him talking to “no one”, they would think that he was crazy.

“I can get out of home” Nino said simply and a smile grew in his face. Ohno frowned; that was strange, Nino could not get outside, his energy started to be weak and he had to stay close to the apartment. “Before I could reach the light, I was connected with the house because I died there; nevertheless, when I overcame myself, I had no reason to stay, that’s why I can be here today, because I found other reason” Nino blushed a bit as he felt shy showing his weakness.

“You have to stay close to that reason, haven’t you?” Ohno bit his lower lip trying to accept what Nino wanted to show.

“Closer as never” Nino’s smile became bigger and his eyes went down full of embarrassment. Ohno scratched the back of his neck feeling happy for being his reason. Even if his thoughts had been so negative lastly, that confession made him happy and he felt like a teenager smiling as a fool who liked someone.

Suddenly, when his eyes were looking the beautiful sink of the bathroom and the hand soap which was on it, the presence approached him noticing his energy closer and closer, embracing him as all the nights when he could not sleep. He left his human body for a second merging with the other’s soul. His eyelids were thin, relaxed lines as his senses became one only to feel his partner completely.

There were two hands in his back going up and down slowly making him to shiver slightly; he could feel a body against his, the same height, soft and thin; but he really knew what sensing meant when two lips kissed his neck slenderly. Then, a head was rested in his shoulder.

“I’d wish to be like that forever…” Nino spoke not realizing his words but even if Nino did not care at all, it made a deep hole in Ohno’s heart. He wished it too, and he was searching for a solution. He needed a solution.

 

 

In home again, watching his laptop, he was looking for some information. The last days, he was working so hard to find his answers. His eyes were red and his eye bags were so evident in his pale face, his skin was used to be darker but he stayed in home the most part of his time since 2 months.

Nino was glancing to him so worried because of his health. The boy wanted to take care of Ohno but something inside of him, a voice maybe, his awareness or even his shyness stopped him to make the step forwards and talk about his behaviour. Ohno had been distanced from the boy since that night but Nino could feel him closer at the same time. In other words, both had more confident with each other but their communication deteriorated noticeably.

Nino felt alone in moments like that, the silent was a prison and his mind could not stop thinking even a second. He wanted his attention, maybe it was only selfishness by his part but he did not stay in this world to contemplate how the person he loved kept himself in that way.

He moved his legs and the steps against the floor were hesitated, his fear of a reject increased in his soul but he needed to make sure that Ohno still wanted to be beside him. With the man’s back in front of him, his arms raised to slip his hands over Ohno’s shoulders. His fingers touched Ohno’s chest and Nino embraced him as tight as he could resting his forehead in the man’s hair.

Ohno stayed still, he was surprised about the boy’s hug; nevertheless, a sense of relief grew inside of his heart. Ohno sighed to erase or at least hide his painful thoughts as the boy closed his eyes strongly keeping his tears inside them.

I have to be strong… I have to be strong for Satoshi…

No one spoke a word while they enjoyed the connection of their souls. That was the power which made them to continue fighting. Ohno only had Nino and Nino only had Ohno. Their world was not allowed for anyone more because nobody could understand the meaning of their love. They only could trust each other. They only were supported by each other.

“Kazu…” his whisper echoed the room. “Are you okay?” Ohno asked a bit worried about his sudden hug.

“Who is not okay here is you” Nino said bravely wanting to know the truth behind his coldness.

“I’m fine, maybe I’m working more lastly but it’s not important” Ohno faked a smile and Nino exploded not controlling what he said.

“Can you stop lying me?” Nino made a step backwards and looked Ohno’s face when the man turned around on his chair. “You are so odd and you don’t talk to me, I’m worried about you. I don’t know what to do, Sato…” his head was looking the floor and his tears fell finally. Ohno felt guilty, it was his fault, that was clear but, how could he tell Nino what he was planning?

“Do you trust me?” Ohno stood up to face Nino as the boy raised his gaze with blamed eyes as he nodded. “Then, just wait. I’m fixing our fate” his voice was relaxed. His face had a smile. His eyes showed love.

I trust you, Satoshi… But what are you going to do…?

I'm sorry to update it so lately but I'm full of final exams >-<
Even if I wrote it a bit fast, I hope that it is well-written and you enjoy it.
I almost sure that the next chapter may be the last so I will give my best to create the best ending!
Thanks for reading and comments are welcomed to know your opinion! ^^

Comments

[wjktl1999]

Thank you... Hope they will be fine

[amnos_oh_mi_ya]

Thank you for reading!