And... do you regret it? [Fic 3/?]
May. 24th, 2017 11:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: PG-13
Lenght: chapter
Genre: angst, drama
Other drink. More alcohol to drink again. Why did he need it? Why did he end like this?
One week after of the argument with Nino, Ohno was so broken and lost. He did not know why but a piece of his heart stopped of being alive. He tried of forgetting him, he really tried with all his strength but he was out of control.
Why?
He wondered why Ninomiya was so important in his life after only 2 months. 2 months full of confessions, nights spent by talking during hours, funny moments together, but it was empty of loneliness. What he had felt his entire life disappeared because of Ninomiya. Nevertheless, it had returned deeper in his soul. It was unhandled for him; he needed a way to get out of that shit and feel better even if it would be only for a few hours.
He was at a night bar full of wonderful women who stared at him with dirty intentions in mind. Getting one to spend the night was so easy and his insanity controlled him completely. A little flirt and his irresistible smile and he had a lady following him to his house.
They started to kiss in the elevator; the lust provoked by the alcohol was clouding his little reason and he took the woman at his room directly undressing her.
Even if he did not want it, if he did not enjoy it, if he did not desire it, his mind was screaming to get free. He was so rude with her but his body could not stop; his eyes were closed as he sensed a so-well-known presence behind him. He knew that Ninomiya did not leave the house and he was seeing what Ohno was doing but he was not able to control himself to think coldly. He reached the climax and stood up almost immediately.
“I’m going to take a shower, when I get out, I don’t want to see you here anymore” he said with a husky voice, so heartless not caring in the woman who was watching him with a hateful look. Ohno walked until the bathroom and cleaned his body wanting to erase all of that woman, he accepted to do it but he was hating himself for that. He was not like that type of guy who only fucked with a strange each night and he did not want to know anything more after. Nevertheless, sex was the only option to distress his body.
It was like this since the last words which Ninomiya said to him that night. Just one week without him and he became to be the same unhappy person as always. When he moved, he promised himself to change it and thanks to Ninomiya, he was overcoming the sadness. He missed it, he missed the boy, he missed the two months in which he could feel what happiness is.
He hit hard the wall of the shower with his fist as his eyes shed the painful tears that he was saving since then. His head leaned on his forearm which was placed on the wall as he cried feeling the worst pain ever.
Why did he say me that?
Do I mean nothing for him?
Was I the only who felt something for the other?
It did not matter how many times he wondered it, he felt more powerless than before. No answer came to help him and his sorrows were storming him out without a clear path to follow. He was frustrated; even if Ninomiya told him to forget their friendship, the boy did not get out of the house.
Ohno decided to end his shower and sleep until the midday of the next day. His body was covered with only an underwear and his legs walked to the bed in which the woman continued there.
“Didn’t you hear me? Get out of here, please” Ohno said so annoyed because of the stubborn woman. She refused to go.
“You can’t fuck me to kick me out after” she shouted to him seemed so angry and Ohno clicked his tongue. When he was going to reply, a voice behind him appeared suddenly.
“Satoshi, what is going on here?” Ohno turned around and his eyes met one’s which he recognized so well. Ninomiya was in front of him, totally opaque and the boy blinked an eye. Ohno did not need to act to seem surprised.
“Are you gay?” the woman shouted again. “I better go” she stood up and walked through the two men who could not look at other place. Only when Satoshi heard the main door closed, he dared to ask.
“Kazu… Why…?”
“Shut up, why are you fucking with strangers?” his jealousy was evident and Ohno understood a lot of questions.
“Why are you so opaque? Maybe it’s because you are fucking jealous?” Ohno knew that saying those replies, he would not win anything but he was tired of the boy’s odd game.
“And if I’m really jealous, what?” Ninomiya stared at him so deeply and Satoshi swallowed feeling helpless in front of him. He did not answer. “I don’t want any women close to you” he was being so possessive but inside of him, he did not care about that. He wanted to be the first person to Ohno.
“Are you in love with me?” Satoshi took the risk to uncover the truth.
“Is something bad?” he was challenging with his gaze.
“Answer properly”
“Yes” Ohno wanted to laugh for an instant but his mind was shocked. He opted for a simple nod and he walked until the bed to lie down on it trying to organize his mind; his head was in pain, maybe because of the alcohol or Nino’s confession.
Ninomiya was upset; he expected a different reaction by Ohno. Even if it would be bad, he wanted to hear what Ohno thought of that instead of silent. Ohno’s silent; his precious silent which brought him a lot of calm sometimes was annoying him until the limit of his nerves. He confessed his feelings to someone who did not express some show of interest at all.
“Thank you for saving me from that woman” the man said in a low voice and he covered his body with the sheets. He did not want to show his face flushed. Ninomiya stayed in front of the bed being unable to speak. A knot in his throat was drowning him feeling so much pain in his soul.
“It was easy” the boy said sweetly and he raised his head with a smile in his face. Ohno saw it, he saw that fake smile which hurt him because it meant that the boy did not trust him to say that he wanted a reply. He could see how Nino wanted to cry but his eyes did not shed any tear.
“Is lying to me easy too?” Ohno seated in the bed and his sleepy eyes stared at the boy who put down his painful face. “Kazunari, is it easy?”
“No… It’s not at all…” his shoulders trembled full of rage as he searched his courage. “Can you answer me?” he said destroying the bit of strength he had already.
“How can I say that maybe I’m in love with you too?” Ninomiya opened his eyes wildly feeling no floor under his feet. “How can I accept that I’m unable to touch you, that I can’t hug you, that I can’t have a normal life by your side? Tell me how and I will be yours, because I feel broken every time that I remember how my hand pierced you” Ohno swallowed keeping a sob in his throat. He thought that saying it would be easier than it was.
Nevertheless, Ninomiya approached the bed and he kneed on it hesitated to do what he wanted. “Just let me do” he said and his arms were placed around Ohno’s neck, his face was hidden smelling his fragrance combined with the shampoo while his body was so close against Ohno’s.
“Kazu…” he was surprised because of his hug but suddenly something inside of him felt so good. Instead of the last time, he was sensing Nino touching him; as if he was really hugging him. He tried to embrace him back but when he approached his arms, they pierced the silhouette again. Ohno felt so powerless and his chest hurt as nothing similar.
“Thanks for making me love again” the boy said as the owner could know how Nino was crying even if his tears were not real. “Now, I can go” Nino smiled to his friend and he saw the Light when his head was turned to look around. It was beautiful and it had a strength which was pulling him to go there. When Nino wanted to contemplate Ohno’s beautiful face again, he found a terrified one.
“Go where?” he muttered full of scare.
“I’m seeing the Light finally” Nino smiled and Ohno denied.
“Impossible, you can’t go now, you can’t leave me alone now” Ohno started to be in panic as he saw his friend disappearing. Even if Nino transmitted a totally relaxed sense while he was smiling, Ohno refused to accept it. “Kazu, don’t do this to me, please, stay with me” his tears fell down on his cheeks and Nino began to understand the meaning of Ohno’s words. “I can’t live with you… Kazu, please…” he cried desperately as the boy was almost disappeared.
“Satoshi, I can’t keep myself in this world longer…” his face changed and his smiled faded away. His anxiety returned to him as those days when he could not find the Light and now that he had it in front of him, he did not go there. Nino wanted to stay by his side, he realized how Ohno needed him and he could not leave him alone, after these few months together he was all he had.
Meanwhile, its strength was pulling him in as Ohno did not sense his friend’s presence anymore. He felt dead, his heart did not want to beat anymore and his breath was harsh.
Have I lost him forever?
His mind could not assimilate that Ninomiya was not there anymore. He was alone again. He had no one. He had nothing. His happiness, his desire to live faded away with the boy.
Kazu, I need you…
Nino was his lifesaver. He was his all. He was realizing it, that annoyed boy who appeared in front of him became his reason to live a day more. He remembered it, how interesting Nino seemed that night, how disturbed he was because of that, but how his desire of knowing the boy increased so swiftly.
You can’t die now…
His eyes were irritated of crying and his hand started to rub them hardly. He stayed with his eyes closed for a few moments and when he could see again, a silhouette was in front of him.
“Even if I thought that I was ready, I have to do one more thing here” the boy smiled and Ohno covered his face crying so hard. His sobs were loud but he did not care, Kazu, his Kazu, was by his side and only that was important. “You need to sleep, I promised you that I won’t go away” Nino said sweetly and he calmed his friend to make him rest.
Ohno laid down on the bed trying to sleep as he was feeling Nino behind him. Nino embraced the man to make him know that he wasn’t going to anywhere. The boy had a dark expression in his face when Ohno could not see him.
Did I do it well? Did I have to come back?
I don't know why I don't like how this chapter is but I hope you enjoy it!
Maybe too much drama? Cliché? Is it bad explained? I have to stop of being so strict with myself XD
Because of that, tell me if you liked it or not, maybe I can resolve my internal doubts XD
Thanks for reading!
no subject
Date: 2017-05-25 07:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-05-25 03:19 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading!