Dreamland

And... Do You Regret It? [FINAL]

2017-08-21T20:51:05Z

Title: And... do you regret it?
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: R
Lenght: chapter
Genre: angst, drama, romance
Warning: suicide

His body shivered feeling the fear of the Death in his own soul. He could not think in something more, he had to write an end; his own end. The fear which paralyzed his hand was losing against his urge to touch the boy who gave sense to his life.
No matter how it hurts… I have to end it here…

1 day before

“Ohno-san, you look tired, are you okay?” a woman in her thirties asked Ohno who was lying in his desk for a while as his anxiety was disappearing.

“I’m okay, don’t worry” his voice had a lack of life and that woman ended with goosebumps seeing how the man stood up to go to the bathroom.

His face needed to be washed with cold water in an attempt not to break against the anxiety. It had been like that for some days already and he was becoming worse. He could only feel security in his house beside Kazu; in the moment he stepped outside, his heart was crazy beating, his legs started to fail until the point of falling, he felt dizzy and his gaze blurred losing the control of his body.

Of course all of this was noticeable for everyone but Ohno was stubborn in denying he was ill. Even Jun, his best friend, asked thousands of times his condition and he always got “I’m fine” . In the other hand, Kazu was watching Ohno’s progress in a very difficult situation. He could do nothing and his concern was increasing each day passed. It was not calmed by the gentle words of Ohno, he knew the man more than that.

Nevertheless, the sorrows inside of the working man were hurting his sanity deeper than he thought.

I have to wait a bit more…

Hours before

“Satoshi-kun, can you tell me what is wrong with you?” the boss of Ohno was very angry after watching the catastrophic results of one of his mistakes in the work.

“I’m so sorry…” Ohno bowed so apologetically.

“I won’t fire you because I know you since you were a child. Now get out of my office” his shouts were hard to hold on but Ohno knew how bad he did it and his awareness would have been totally agree if his boss had fired him. He could not concentrate in his work properly and he only got scolds by everyone in the company. His mistakes had a terrible impact on the company’s results and even if his boss decided not to fire him, he did not want to be a bother either.

“Thank you for everything, but I want to resign” Ohno bowed long time waiting for his boss's answer. He did not need a job already. He only needed Nino beside him these days.

“Are you stupid?! You have one of the best jobs in this company. We gave you everything and now you want to resign?! That's how you appreciate us?!” the boss was angry and Ohno could do nothing but looking at the floor listening his hard words. “I don't know what is happening with you but I don't need a person like you in my company. Present your resignation letter tomorrow morning and pick your stuff up. You will regret it” he ended the conversation and Ohno only bowed again being emotionless in front of his boss. Instead of being affected by what he said, he was finding his peace in his life. No more pressure about his job, no more mornings waking up early, no more extra hours working. Now he would be able to spend the whole day with Kazu.

Ohno got out of the office and when his eyes found his desk between people working, Nino was there, waiting for him, for going home again together as everyday since Nino must follow Ohno. They could not talk in the whole way because the rest people walking on the street would only heard the human, but being together was enough to be happy again.

He needed to catch his hand but it would pierce Nino's and feeling it once more would break him like every time he tried unsuccessfully. His pain was growing up so fast that he started to think he was depressed. Even Nino could not fill his emptiness, nor his hugs nor his moments together. He was falling into a deep hole totally dark and empty of love for himself. His heart belonged to Nino so there were no more love to share, it was all for his boy.

In the moment they were in home, Nino could not be shut up more time. He had heard Ohno's resignation and he was so worried about his behaviour lastly. The most days passed, the most Ohno seemed weird and unhappy and no explanation came out from his mouth. He was not a detective either, he could not know what was in his mind. So the last option was asking the same questions once more.

“Satoshi... Why did you quit from your company?” Nino asked blocking Ohno's path through the hallway. Their eyes met and the tension grew up.

“I don't need it” he answered completely sure about his own words and Nino widened his eyes thinking that it was a stupid joke.

“You have to pay this house, the food, the bills. You need the money of that company” Nino said desperately but Ohno shook his head with a smile.

“I won't have to pay it more” he only said that and he sat on his chair to work in something on the laptop like every night. Nino went to the bedroom to control the impotence he was feeling due to Ohno's behaviour. Why?

Nino continued waiting for a hint to know what Ohno was planning. He was quite worried about it but Ohno asked him for trustiness and he was decided to give it to his lover. He wanted to believe that he would fix all, that he would be able to break their limit; even if Nino knew perfectly how impossible it was, his prayers were spoken each night to the moon. When he felt alone because Ohno was working, he watched the moon finding a type of peace which kept his heart with hope. The hope needed to hold on a bit more, to wait a bit more, to think in positive seeing the good side. All the moments they were able to spend together not caring if one was a ghost or a human; if they were there beside each other, the world was forgotten.

That night, seeing the moon, Nino was thinking in all the possibilities about Ohno’s plan. He could not stop his mind of running in circles around the same option. It was the worst to choose but he might be sure that Ohno would do it if he had the chance.

His eyes captivated by the special shine of the moon were lost in the infinity of the dark sky waiting for his lover to come and sleep together as always. Nino had to embrace him because Ohno usually had nightmares. Ohno, who was not scared about anything, could not sleep alone, if Nino was not there with him, his mind refused to disconnected of the world. So Nino had no other option but to sleep in his bed each night even if he did not sense of tiredness. His principal duty was to take care of Ohno not mattering what he had to do.

But that time, Ohno was late to go to bed which was unusual and Nino decided to search for him. That night was colder and darker; the boy had a presentiment of something going bad. His nerves were trying to relax themselves but a knot in his stomach was hurting him strongly. He swallowed when he did not found his partner in the living room where he was working with the laptop.

“Sato-chan…” he called Ohno lowly, his voice was barely audible because of a fear which was storming him out. No answer came back.

He searched in the veranda and in the kitchen but no one was there. Ohno usually disappeared and did not answer but that night was different, totally different, he knew it. Slowly, he approached to the bathroom, the last room to look in. His hand was almost trembling when it caught the latch and he turned it around until he heard a click. The door was opened but his mind was telling him not to look inside. He could not. His eyes found the worst option which was bothered him for days.

Ohno was there, his back was leaned on the wall and his left forearm was covered by blood as the right had a blade between his fingers. He was crying hard as the blade came inside his skin again cutting his wrist deeper.

“What are you doing?!” Nino shouted impacted by the scene. He could not move, he could do nothing as his lover was bleeding out in front of his eyes. He was just a simple ghost who could not call the ambulance or some relative to help Ohno because no one could hear him through a phone. Ohno was the one who could hear him. “Satoshi, stop now! You can't die!” Nino approached the man who realized the boy near him.

“Why are you here?” Ohno asked him in panic. “You weren’t supposed to see my death!” he tried to make a step but his legs failed and he fell on the floor. He was already so weak to walk.

“No! No, Satoshi, you don't have to die. Why?” Nino kneed beside him to caress his cheek with his hand but Ohno could only feel a simple energy rubbing his skin.

“Because of this” he said crying hardly. “Because I can't touch you, I can't be with you. Seeing you everyday is not enough for me because I can't hug you nor kiss you. I can't calm your sorrows nor dry your tears when you cry. I'm tired of talking and talking. I need more with you. I need you and not this damning life” Ohno explained sobbing as the blood did not stop.

“No, Satoshi. That's not true. Life is more important than me” Nino answered breathless. He did not need oxygen at all but he felt like dying again as his eyes looked how Ohno was killing himself and he was still.

“Life means nothing without you” the man smiled as his hand cut his another wrist to end it faster.

“No! No, fuck! Stop, Satoshi, stop, please!” Nino shouted as he was falling into his anxiety.

“I'm scared, Kazu...” Ohno cried and Nino hugged him tightly into his arms. “I want to die but I'm so scared...” his words hurt deeper Nino's soul and he hugged him to accept his decision. He was unable to stop him so it was the last thing he could do for Ohno. It was the last moment with the human alive and he was afraid that Ohno would not appear by his corpse like he did.

“Don't be scared, darling... I will be here waiting for you...” he said but no answer was spoken. Nino knew what that meant but he needed a few seconds more hugging his body. His mind was unable to accept that Ohno had died for him, for being an eternity beside him.

His arms left the corpse alone on the floor as he stood up to pray a blessing for his soul. Then, his body felt two arms embracing his torso slowly. His jaw started to tremble knowing who was. It was the first time that someone hugged him in a very long time and he could not stand more. He turned around to find the person he loved in front of his eyes, like him. His arms wrapped around his neck as he cried hard. He could feel him. It was only energy crashing but it felt so real that he thought he was living again.

“Why are you crying?” Ohno asked and his hand touched Nino's cheek to wipe his tears. He was already dead but his life seemed to start in that moment doing what he wanted to do for almost half a year already.

“You are crying too” Nino sobbed as their foreheads pressed each other's and both started to smile. If that was a dream, it was the best of all.

Ohno became tensed and his smile disappeared. “Can I...?” he asked insecure. The boy nodded and Ohno caught Nino's chin with his fingers to press his lips against his. A soft kiss started to forget all the pain they endured these last months. Now only they existed there.

Nino tilted a bit his head so the kiss could be deeper. Their bodies were able to feel the other and their arms were rubbing every inch of them. It was the heaven.

“Kazu, I still have to do one thing” Ohno said when the kiss ended. The boy did not understand what he meant but he nodded and both waited there long time. Meanwhile, they enjoyed each other as never before. Ohno's emptiness disappeared all at once. All his pain, his sorrows, his fears. Everything disappeared and there was only Nino in his mind. Loving the boy, taking care of the boy were things impossible for him until he died so he was not spending any second in vain.

Then, a sudden voice echoed in their ears.

“Ohno-kun?” Jun opened the unblocked door of the apartment and came in the house calling for his friend as the couple looked him sadly.

“I called him to find my body” Ohno suddenly explained to Nino and he gulped knowing what would happen. Meanwhile, Jun searched Ohno in every room.

“Ohno-kun, are you in the bathroom?” no one answered. “I’m going to come in” he announced worried about his friend. Nino hugged Ohno when Jun started to shout his name as his arms caught his dead body. They continued watching his friend as he called an ambulance crying the death of his friend. Then, Ohno approached him and in his ear, so closely, he talked his last words.

“I'm sorry, Jun-kun”

Ohno and Nino left the bathroom and went to the veranda to see the sunrise together. It was a cloudy day. The sun seemed sad because it did dark colours in the sky as the clouds grew up covering it in the end. It reflected in their eyes as their fingers were intertwined spending the last morning in this world.

When they came in the house, the police had arrived too and an official found the suicide note in his laptop. Jun approached to read it.

I'm sorry for what I did. Now, I'm dead and I'm really sorry for that but I can't stand more pain in my heart. It is so hard to endure. I feel like dying every day of my life and I am in a deep depression which is killing me slowly so I decided to do it faster not to suffer anymore.

I know that I'm selfish leaving you crying my lost but who am I now? Am I Ohno Satoshi? The Satoshi I was before? I don't know what I'm doing here. What I supposed to do with my life. My real reason to live is not in this world, that's why I will search for it. I will fight for it.

Mum, dad, sister, Jun. Thank you for everything. I've always had you no matter what and now I'm only giving you pain to suffer and accept. I'm really sorry for that. There aren't any night that I don't beg Kami-sama for another option but nothing else comes and I can't stand anymore.

I thought I was strong. I thought I could live a successful life. But nothing like this happened and I'm totally broken already. I can't be fixed. This is my end and I hope you will be able to accept it and don't hate me for that.

I really love all these years by your side. Thanks for all.

Ohno Satoshi

Jun ended the letter and his fist hit hard the desk crying again full of pain. Ohno cried seeing his best friend like this but if he wanted Nino, he had to sacrifice everything he had in his life.

“Satoshi” Nino called him. “Do you regret it?” he asked and Ohno smiled.

“I feel guilty about the pain I created but I don't regret it because I have you” he placed the boy between his arms to calm his awareness. Nino was the world he was searching for so long.

“Look there” he suddenly pointed to one corner and both could see the Light. They had nothing to do there already and it was time to go away. Nino started to walk but Ohno caught his hand.

“Before going there” Ohno gulped. “I love you, Kazu” he hugged him. “No matter what will happen, I love you” his feelings were exposed and his ears listened his answer.

“I love you too, Satoshi” Nino smiled kissing his lips for last time before crossing the Light.

They grabbed each other's hand tightly and they walked to the beautiful sparkle as their bodies started to be transparent until nothing of them were visible reaching their complete peace together. Their happiness.

I'm so sorry to update it 3 months after but I had no inspiration for this and as long as it's an angst I have to be full of it to write it with the emotions I want to transmit.
That's all here, I hope you like this fic which I wrote with my heart.
Thank everyone who followed it since the first day and those who joined it after too. It was a pleasure.
Wait for more soon ^~^

comments

No One Should Know [Extra]

2017-06-23T21:05:15Z

Title: No One Should Know
Rating: NC-17
Genre: angst, drama, romance
Lenght: one shot
Pairing: Sakurai Sho/Aiba Masaki
Note: you can read it even if you haven't still read the others three parts.

"Masaki... I need you..." his gasps were lowly but those words echoed Aiba's ears so strong. "Just let me..." his empty mouth became full as Aiba started to tremble by the suddenly action of his partner.

"Sho-chan, not that..." his hands were placed on Sakurai's forehead to push him away but little by little, captivated by the pleasure he was feeling, they rushed the hair until the back of the head and his hips obligated him to move losing all the control his mind was searching unsuccessfully.

The rapper man had his partner, now he could do what he desired since the beginning. He left Aiba's length to stand up and lean his forehead against the other's one. He looked how his friend was breathing harder than when he danced for hours. Aiba's eyes were closed so Sakurai couldn't know what the tallest was thinking. His acts might be the reason to lose the person he loved but his mind was unable to concentrate in other thing but Aiba half-naked and hard in front of him waiting for the next move. Sakurai raised a hand and it touched his partner's cheek slightly as he was afraid of what the cute one might think of him. He hated his body for being so impatient, for needing his heat, his touches, his closeness; nevertheless, he loved it too. He loved how crazy and irrational he could be when it was about Aiba. No matter the amount of women he would have in front of his gaze if Aiba was not there.

*****

He was dancing so hard to fulfil his journey. Drops of sweat fell from every single part of his body as he reached the limit of his muscles. He did not want to stop, he did not want to be behind, he wanted to show of what he was made to everyone who did not believe in his dreams and achievements. But his body refused to continue and his breath became irregular.

Only rage and sadness filled his mind. He felt himself falling onto the floor being a total stupid boy who understood nothing about life yet. His clenched fist hit the floor feeling so much pain to forget the sorrows of his soul. His strength had been disappearing progressively lastly and he did not find any solution.

“Sakurai-san… are you okay?” a soft voice came from the door and his gaze reached a boy who Sho had seen before. The boy was worried, it was evident because of his expression but he did not trust him to tell the problem which was bothering his mind.

“I’m just tired” he said not wanting to explain more. “Your name is Aiba Masaki, isn’t it?” he remembered it, his name was unforgettable since that photoshoot which made together with other 2 boys more. Aiba only nodded looking down showing how shy he was. Sho stood up and walked until the boy. “Even if I’m older than you, you can call me Sho” he smiled trying to be nice and frank with Aiba. A shine appeared in Aiba’s eyes.

“Then call me Masaki, yoroshiku onegaishimasu” he bowed politely and Sho watched how the boy was educated. He liked it, he liked him.

“If you wait for me, we can go home together” Sho proposed wanting a chance to know more about the boy. He was afraid of a reject but he had to try it.

“Okay! But can other boy come with us? His name is Ninomiya Kazunari, do you know him?” Aiba said enthusiastic as Sho nodded about the name, he knew him; Ninomiya Kazunari was an introvert boy in his company a year younger who spent his hours playing with a console.

Both went to search for Ninomiya and go home. The walk was until the station where Ninomiya and Aiba had to get on a train, they lived far away from there, it was different for Sho who lived closer and he could come back walking. Sho was a bit frustrated; Ninomiya and Aiba did not stop of talking and talking while Sho was apart not catching their attention so the eldest thought it would be better like that.

*****

After a few days of happening the same, Ninomiya was ill so he did not go that day. Sho saw the chance to know more about the boy and he would do anything to fulfill his desire. Not understanding what was wrong in his mind, he was nervous. No one of them spoke a word, the walk was tense but enjoyable. Then, they reached the train station and Aiba was going to say goodbye when Sho impeded it with a question.

“May I accompany you until your house?” Sho asked determined and his eyes were intense over Aiba’s. The boy seemed lost by the sudden question but he had to answer quickly.

“If it isn’t a bother for you, I don’t mind…” Aiba said cheerful with a big smile in his face as Sho sighed relieved. Both got in the train and seated one beside other with their arms touching. Then, Aiba’s voice scared Sho. “What does Sho-chan like?”

Has he said Sho-chan?

“Sho-chan?” Sho started to laugh loud as Aiba realized what he said unconsciously.

“Gomen nasai…” he began to be flush and Sho looked him so adorable. He denied breathing again normally.

“I like…”

You…

“I like dance a lot and eat too!” both smiles became bigger and a conversation flowed so easily that they almost passed the stop. His chance to know more about him was a success and his happiness was too much noticeable.

The night was warmth and a soft wind was refreshing their bodies in the middle of the street which they were crossing slowly. They knew a lot about each other already but there was a theme that nobody touched until the moment in which Sho made the step forwards.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“I haven’t… I’ve never had one” the sentence was clear and Sho was happy for some unknown reason. “And you?”

“My classmates always bother me for not being interested in women, so no…” he smiled bitterly and Aiba pitied him.

“They bother me too… They always say that I’d have to fuck some girls so I’d be a truly man but… I don’t think the same…” Aiba swallowed and Sho looked him impressive. His hand wanted to rub Aiba’s arm to comfort him but his mind was so negative that he rejected the chance.

Quickly, they approached his house and Aiba said goodbye to Sho with a big smile and thanked him for his accompany. When the boy came in, Sho felt a hole inside; a painful hole.

*****

After a month talking and going home together, they became good friends but like always, Sho was apart when Ninomiya was near Aiba. He really hated that detail because he wanted the boy for him like that day. He only wished that he got other chance like that to make another step.

Like if Kami-sama had listened his prays, Ninomiya came back home earlier and Aiba was alone. Sho took advantage and accompanied Aiba until the main door of his house again. This time, they had talked a lot more than the last time and both Aiba and Sho did not want to separate yet.

“Well… See you…” Aiba spoke it if he was forcing himself, nevertheless, Sho was not going to accept it.

“Wait!” he grabbed his arm so Aiba turned around to face Sho who was tensed and serious. Sho pulled him by his arm and two pairs of lips met in a sudden kiss. Aiba pushed Sho away right after it started but he only saw desire in his friend’s eyes. “Gomen ne…” his grab was stronger and Sho kissed him again, this time longer and deeper. Even if Aiba’s family could see them or any neighbour who passed on the street, Sho found his freedom in that kiss. Only a few second of pleasure to discover another hidden world, the world he wanted to stay.

*****

“Today I want to come back alone, sorry…” Aiba excused himself from Sho again. Since that night after the kiss, Aiba was avoiding his friend anywhere anytime. Sho felt broke inside and he really did not know how to fix it. It was his fault, his impatient and selfishness acted for him.

“Masaki, stop this now, please” his voice could show his pain and rage.

“Then stop of kissing others you too” Aiba reproached in a mood which Sho had never seen. That part made his rage increased and his anger appeared to catch Aiba’s T-shirt hard and approached him as close as he could. His voice did not come out and a strange desire grew inside of his heart. His lips being so sexy again in front of him. His weakness could do nothing but taste Aiba over and over again in a kiss of which was difficult to scape.

He is perfect…

“Come to my house after the training, please” Sho begged with his heart being a knot and he saw how disturbed Aiba looked. Indeed, the boy wanted to punch him hardly but that anger was created because inside of him, he desired to accept. Nevertheless, Aiba pulled away and went outside the room with no more words.

Sho followed him until the restroom and there was only Aiba inside. Then, he might talk to him to know why he was so angry.

"Masaki... Don't stop talking to me now, please" Sho said in a whisper trying not to feel guilty. Aiba only turned around to face the boy with two intense eyes which Sho felt them like burning ices.

"How can I stay with someone who only kiss me over and over again?" even if his eyes showed that, his voice trembled for an instant for a reason which was unreachable for Sho.

"I'm sorry for this, okay?" only an apologize could be spoken until his thoughts showed the truth which Sho wanted to believe. "I'm tired of everyone making fun of me because I've never kissed or fucked with anyone. I hoped you could understand that but it's reasonable if you are disturbed with it, at the end, you want it with a girl, don't you?"

"Then, all you've done, it's to say that you did it so they would stop?" Aiba seemed odd, Sho could know that something was in his friend's mind but he would never know it so he nodded feeling pain in his chest.

He thought that lie would not be anything important, he could confess other time when both knew more about each other, when both were able to have a relationship. But what was he thinking? Aiba didn't like him, it was clear. If he did it, he would kiss him back.

But he did that...

"Okay, we can try it if this will help both..." Aiba said lowly.

“Do you agree?” Sho’s mouth could touch the floor. It was the perfect chance to take advantage, it was all a lie but how could he say no now?

*****

Outside was raining so hard, a storm was approaching the city and nobody had the guts to get out of their house, unless two boys who were running through the street totally wet. They were laughing and Sho had Aiba’s hand caught strongly with his to guide his friend until his house. There was not anyone that day so his impatience controlled him to spend the night with Aiba.

A lot of water was dropping from their clothes when they walked in the house finally. The two were laughing and Sho decided not to waste the time as he corned his friend against the wall and made sure that both were 100% sure of what they were going to do.

“If you want to continue, then kiss me” Sho muttered out of breath because of running. Aiba grabbed Sho’s T-shirt to be closer as his lips touched other’s shyly. The eldest’s hands which were leaned on the wall slipped through Aiba’s body to search the edge of the shirt and remove it from the wet torso.

“Sho-chan, shouldn’t we go to your bedroom?” Aiba looked troubled to be naked in the entrance hall of an unknown house.

“If you don’t wet the floor…” Sho smirked and Aiba nodded being sure of completing it successfully. The rapper started to walk and the boy followed him watching the design of the hallway amazed.

When they came in a room decorated by Sho, Aiba knew that it was his room. But something was bothering his mind. “I need to call my family to make them know that I will stay here” he excused himself and called them with his mobile. Even if it was a sudden event, the storm was a good option to tell so Aiba got the permission and hang up.

Sho was seated in the bed waiting for him but in the moment Aiba was beside him, the two’s minds blocked not knowing what was the next step. An awkward atmosphere appeared which nobody knew how to break. After a few minutes being in silent, Sho was tired of doing nothing and he stood up to relax a bit the ambient.

“We are wetting the bed now that I remember” he laughed tensed as Aiba stood up too quickly. The cute one was still half-naked waiting for some hint to follow as Sho’s legs could not move. Then, Aiba took a deep breath and his hand caught Sho’s shirt to remove as the rapper’s heart was racing frenetically almost getting out of his chest. Aiba’s fingertips rubbed lightly his abdominals and Sho shivered a bit catching his hand to turn around and use the wall and his body like a prison for his friend. Sho started to kiss each part of his jaw and neck leaving a few marks which would be seen latter. The youngest placed his arms around the other’s waist feeling a bit of pleasure growing inside of him. Sho closed more both bodies and started to rub them searching for more and more contact; his lust was killing his shyness until the point of forgetting the world to concentrate in hearing Aiba’s moans which were louder if he rubbed hardly the two crotches.

He was gaining time to think in the next step, what did he have to do now? The oldest boy was lost and his eyes met Aiba’s for a second to find the solution or at least some hint to continue. The desire inside of him was enough to take the risk of creating the best pleasure Aiba would feel in his life; he was ambitious, yes, but he wanted to be the first and the last who made Aiba to shout of pleasure.

His trembling hands were working on unbuckled the belt and after, the zipper to down a bit the pants and be able to insert his fingers inside of his underpants. He felt how his friend moved against his body as if he was not ready yet, nevertheless he could not stop. His legs flexed to knee and his hand set free Aiba’s half-hard member.

Sho’s mind started to have a dilemma, was he gay? He became harder and harder only seeing it in front of his mouth with the tip a bit wet already. He knew how that worked and what would be enjoyable for the other but inside of him, the desire to lick it had grown up to the limit of being capable of doing it without hesitate. And that desire made him become confused of his sexual orientation. Perhaps it was bothering him in a situation like that but it was the motor to continue their affair as well. And it was a very powerful one.

“Masaki… I need you” his gasps were lowly but those words echoed Aiba's ears so strong. "Just let me..." his empty mouth became full as Aiba started to tremble by the suddenly action of his partner.

It tasted strange; it was an unexpected flavour which made Sho enjoying it in a different way from what he was expecting. His tongue licked the tip and his lips sucked it until it was completely hard. Sho was praying that Aiba were delighting it because he was doing it well but a doubt bothered his mind and made him to stand up and look his partner into his eyes to search information about his thoughts. However he had them closed to avoid any interaction with him so next to his frustration, their foreheads lean on each other and Sho tried to catch his friend’s attention rubbing his fingertips in his cheek. Aiba swallowed nervously and his eyes opened to face his shyness and his partner.

“Why did you do that? We’re only going to fuck not to do…”

“I did it because I wanted” Sho cut off his words not wanting to hear the rest of the sentence which would hurt him more than Aiba might imagine.

The cute one was out of words as he saw how Sho started to remove his pants leaving the underwear on. He could see how similar their bodies were acting because of each touch or gasp. Were both thinking the same about each other?

Before Sho caught Aiba’s pants, the latter did it quickly and his arms wrapped around his friend’s neck to bite it suddenly. Those actions made Sho to be more nervous and his ideas to continue disappeared leaving his mind in blank. Then it was when Aiba changed the rolls and he managed the situation guiding them until the bed and lying on together. At that time Sho remember the next step and what they forgot.

“Masaki, we can’t…” the oldest said in a guilty tone and Aiba widened his eyes. “We haven’t got lube and without it, we may hurt each other…” Sho brushed the other’s hair slightly as he was waiting for the end of the adventure.

“We can yet. If we come, we’ll be able to do it with our cums like lube”

“Where did you learn that?”

“That’s not important now” Aiba flushed. Sho noticed Aiba had a secret.

“Then, how will come first?” Sho said it normally but thinking in it after, it was not normal at all so he giggled a bit.

“Don’t laugh” Aiba smiled blushed. “You. I’m on top so it’s easier” the cute one did not let him to choose the order and without any complaints, Aiba removed his underwear. “Touch yourself, it will be faster”

“Eh? W-wait, why I have to do it by myself?” Sho leaned in his forearms to lift himself a bit.

“Then, why I have to do it?” Aiba said with a pout totally amazed. “Or maybe do you want me to do it?” his remarked word spoke the truth behind Sho’s excuses.

“That’s not…” he became speechless when a sudden warmth wrapped his length to go up and down slowly. He looked down and Aiba had placed his hand over it.

Why is he doing it? Maybe he wants it as much as me?

It was hard to handle. In one hand, he wanted to come hard and be fucked by Aiba, he really desired it; but in other hand, his proud was being hurt. Did not he have to be who fuck because he was a man? In any case, both were going to fuck and to be fucked, that is the deal the two agreed in the dressing room. Although like that, his proud was rejecting the idea.

“Why are you so tensing?” Aiba asked worried about if he was doing it wrong.

“Nothing…” Sho closed his feelings inside. That was not the moment to talk about his stupid proud.

“Just lose yourself” Aiba’s whisper was spoken in his ear making him to shiver and he started to feel the climax. “Call my name…” Sho widened his eyes by his request but he had wanted to do it for some time.

“M-Masaki…”it felt so good. It was totally different from only moan and gasp without sense. He did it again and he found himself completely lost under Aiba’s control. It was the freedom he was searching since he started to be a teenager.

“You see? You got it” Aiba smiled like a child with a new toy and he could not wait more so the cute one raised Sho’s legs holding them by the thighs and his fingers caught the cum Sho threw in his abdominals to spill it into his tight hole. Sho felt the pain when one finger after another came into his butt opening it for reducing the pain he might feel.

Is it what a girl sense for first time?

He was scared when Aiba placed his member’s tip on the hole but an unknown reason made him to sigh and close his eyes waiting the thrust. It was worse than he thought; the pain grew inside of him as Aiba only breathed heavily over him. Forgetting his own pain, he wanted to know.

“How is it?” Sho asked wanting to know what he was experimenting for first time but no answer came out as Aiba thrusted again hardly making Sho arched his back to handle the pain. “Masaki, how is it?” he insisted, he was forgetting a bit of the pain thank to his curiosity but if the answer did not come, he could not focus in anything more.

Sweat was dropping of their bodies when Sho’s hole got used to Aiba’s length and the cute one increased the speed. Sho was moaning loud as his arms held on Aiba’s neck but that contact broke when the youngest lifted to go faster.

“It’s like heaven…” he barely said in a gasp. Sho’s desire to fuck his friend grew as his hand went to his hard member to rub it and end sooner so he could feel it too. “Arigatou, Sho-chan…” with those grateful words, Aiba came inside him thrusting so hard that Sho thought he would break. And after a few seconds after, the rapper man came too over his hand.

Why did he say it?

Sho needed a break to recover himself after two orgasms. Aiba was leaned on his torso still gasping. He was too cute to admire, Sho found himself adoring his partner in silent. That moment being one was the answer for all the questions which filled his mind.

“It’s your turn…” Aiba’s voice echoed the room in an odd way from that cheerful he had.

Sho nodded and did the same as Aiba. After all, he learnt from his friend. During the process, he was realizing one thing and it was that he wanted to do it more times, and being exaggerated, for the rest of his life. That image of Aiba exposed feeling pleasure thank to his touches, gasping because of his lack of control, wanting more after his body reached the limit of heaven was the perfection he wanted to admire each day of his existence.

He was going to taste the flavour of the forbidden. The sheets were grabbed by Aiba’s hands. The tension grew up in seconds. The lust enfolded their minds as they became one again with a simple move of Sho’s hips.

Indeed, it was like the heaven.

His eyes and sanity were blurred facing the pleasure their bodies was handle that night. The rain did not stop and a storm approached the town with loud thunders. The electricity that the sky was experimenting was the same which connected Sho and Aiba.

Expecting that Aiba was not being so hurt by Sho’s thrusts, he did it the best he could to make it unforgivable. He knew perfectly that it would be the first and last time to spend the night with Aiba, with that cute boy who caught his heart since the first moment their eyes met in the dancing room. He loved his friend, but those feelings had to be erased. That was not his future, what everyone wanted for him, what he should do to be accepted by his family.

“Gomen ne, Masaki…” a tear was dropped but it mixed with the sweat so Aiba did not notice it. Both reached the limit together this time. The perfect timing.

“It was amazing…” Aiba smiled satisfied and embraced Sho who hid into his arms to forget his painful fate. He hated it, he did not want it, he wanted to be with Masaki, to be always by his side, but nobody would approve it and his last wish was hurting him in any way.

I’m so sorry, Masaki… But it’s the best for us…

Sho raised his head with red eyes keeping the tears inside. “Yeah, it was. Remember it like a treasure, please” his face showed a smile and Aiba returned it with all his love.

“I won’t forget it, I promise it”

“But, no one should know about it… It’s our secret, okay?” Sho said trying to talk with his best voice.

“Our secret” Aiba smiled liking the game or that was what he thought it was. Both stayed together all the night, embracing other’s body as tight as they could. Sho knew that in the morning he would have to say goodbye to who he loved so he did not sleep to enjoy each second by his side, torturing his mind about what he had to do. But at the end, he was a coward. He always was it and it would not change in one night to face his father, his family, the company and the media. He was not so strong.

His fingers rubbed lovely Aiba’s hair wishing that in the morning some miracle happened but he smiled bitterly accepting his fate, he had not another option.

“Tanks for all…” at least he would not have to live with the regret of not having said his feelings to Aiba even if he was sleeping. “I love you, Masaki…”

I should stop of writting angst, I can't stop of crying at the end ;-;
Well, this is the last part of my first fic/one shot (yes it's so long that I don't know how to call it) which I end yei~~~~
I hope you like it and understand more the whole story. I wanted to do it since I wrote the epilogue but I hadn't time to do it >.<
Comments are welcomed as always and I will be so happy to read you ^^

comments

And... do you regret it? [Fic 4/?]

2017-06-03T18:43:40Z

Title: And... do you regret it?
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: PG
Lenght: chapter
Genre: angst, drama

The morning light was beautiful that day; seeing together the sunrise felt so good, it was refreshing and they could sense their connection. The sun just appeared and some clouds were covering it sometimes making incredible shadows of different colours. It was amazing to contemplate; those moments seemed endless.

Endless like the pain they were suffering since that night when both’s feelings came to light. Ohno was so grateful with Nino for staying by his side but he knew how much it meant for Nino. Nino was searching for his peace for so long and he did not go when he got the chance.

They talked too much about it, Ohno felt so selfish and he hated himself because he begged Nino to stay, he ruined his chance. Nino always said the same “I stayed because I prefer to be with you before there” but Ohno knew that it was a lie. Nino was lying to make him feel better.

Even if they confessed their feelings to each other, no one knew what they were. Being together was enough but their doubt of being more was there, inside of them, bothering their minds each second. Nevertheless, a relationship between a human and a ghost would be impossible. Even if Nino could sometimes touch Ohno, Ohno could not touch the boy. He was so powerless and his heart was in a lot of pain when he thought in that. Maybe words might help but gestures meant another world which they could not reach.

That morning, on the veranda, they were watching the sunrise as all the nights they spent talking. This time no word was spoken, only they needed their presence to relax; they only needed each other to live, Nino was realizing that day after day observing Ohno’s behaviour.

“How do you feel when you are dying?” Ohno’s voice came out slowly, totally absorbed with the sunrise so he could not see Nino’s reaction.

“Why do you ask me that?”

“I just want to know, you’ve never told me about why you killed yourself, I’m curious” Ohno turned his head to see the beautiful boy in front of him with an odd gaze.

“There are things that you should not ask, Sato-chan” Nino became tense but he continued before of Ohno. “It was winter, it was snowing and my mum was with me because we couldn’t go outside. She was full of problems with money when she decided to live alone with me because my father punched her sometimes. I remember how I bothered her, I remember what she always said me “you are an useless person”; “you are only a stupid and problematic kid”. Even if I tried to help her with money, to support her, to be a better son; she hated me, I broke his life and I couldn’t stand more. That day we got an argument and she shouted me “hopefully you were dead”…” Nino stopped a moment controlling his feelings; it was hard to tell for first time since he died. “I came to the bathroom, I did not block the door; I remember how I wanted to prove her words. I found a blade and it sensed so good…” Nino started to cry blaming himself while Ohno was keeping his tears inside. “The blood began to get out and it fell on the floor, there was so much and I cut my wrist deeper and deeper. I know that she was listening how I was crying but she did not come and I cut my other wrist. My body lost all his strength and I had to seat on the floor covered with my blood. My eyes closed and when I could open them again, I was seeing my corpse. After one hour seeing myself there totally shocked, my mum came in and she started to scream while she embraced my body…” Nino swallowed to stop a sob. “I can forget what she said me… “it’s my fault, I didn’t want this, you’re my whole life, I love you, don’t leave me…”. After some time, I discovered my mum’s problems completely, she was alcoholic, she went to night clubs to sell her body, she needed me more than I needed her and I failed her because of my selfishness…” Nino told Ohno slowly, trying to find the correct words. After that, he felt relieved, that story, those thoughts were bothering him for years.

“Do you regret it?” Ohno asked him again for some reason, even if the first time Nino answered no, his words did not tell him the same.

“Of course I regret it… When she ran to call an ambulance, I followed her and saw a cake on the table. It was written “I’m sorry, Kazu” on top of it. She went to buy it with that weather only for me; that was why she couldn’t hear me, I was alone” Nino broke again when his mind remembered that part. He was seeing how Ohno was crying and he felt the worst guilty ever. “If I didn’t kill myself, my mum would be better besides me and I could be by your side…” Ohno felt his world crashing into pieces when his ears heard Nino’s confession. His voice was a sob constantly being unable to talk. He desired to say him that it was not his fault, that all was already alright, but his mental strength did not allowed himself to support his friend.

“Kazu, I…” he only spoke those words.

“What?” Nino giggled bitterly wanting to stop this painful situation.

“I need to go to work, sorry…” he turned around and walked in the room leaving a boy totally confused.

Even if I opened my heart to him, he goes away…

Ohno was working hard on his computer, he tried to concentrate as better as possible but his mind was in other affairs. He needed a break so a coffee was not a bad idea.

He was in the rooftop when Jun appeared behind him. “Ohno-kun, would you like to meet this night?” Jun was his best friend since he joined the company 4 years ago; they went together almost every week to drink and have fun in clubs. That stopped when Ohno met Nino.

“I’m sorry, I’m busy…” Ohno lied; he only wanted to be in home with Nino.

“Are you okay?” Jun patted his shoulder. “You are strange since you moved to that house”

“I’m fine, I’m just maturing so much Jun-kun” he giggled like Jun did but his friend knew perfectly that something was wrong.

When Ohno looked the building again instead of the view, he saw Nino in the door and his nerves exploded inside of him. “Jun-kun, see you later…” he started to run leaving his friend there amazed.

Ohno entered the building and Nino was going down the stairs. He followed the boy until the bathroom where Nino stopped and faced Ohno.

“What are you doing here?” Ohno had to talk lowly; if somebody discovered him talking to “no one”, they would think that he was crazy.

“I can get out of home” Nino said simply and a smile grew in his face. Ohno frowned; that was strange, Nino could not get outside, his energy started to be weak and he had to stay close to the apartment. “Before I could reach the light, I was connected with the house because I died there; nevertheless, when I overcame myself, I had no reason to stay, that’s why I can be here today, because I found other reason” Nino blushed a bit as he felt shy showing his weakness.

“You have to stay close to that reason, haven’t you?” Ohno bit his lower lip trying to accept what Nino wanted to show.

“Closer as never” Nino’s smile became bigger and his eyes went down full of embarrassment. Ohno scratched the back of his neck feeling happy for being his reason. Even if his thoughts had been so negative lastly, that confession made him happy and he felt like a teenager smiling as a fool who liked someone.

Suddenly, when his eyes were looking the beautiful sink of the bathroom and the hand soap which was on it, the presence approached him noticing his energy closer and closer, embracing him as all the nights when he could not sleep. He left his human body for a second merging with the other’s soul. His eyelids were thin, relaxed lines as his senses became one only to feel his partner completely.

There were two hands in his back going up and down slowly making him to shiver slightly; he could feel a body against his, the same height, soft and thin; but he really knew what sensing meant when two lips kissed his neck slenderly. Then, a head was rested in his shoulder.

“I’d wish to be like that forever…” Nino spoke not realizing his words but even if Nino did not care at all, it made a deep hole in Ohno’s heart. He wished it too, and he was searching for a solution. He needed a solution.

In home again, watching his laptop, he was looking for some information. The last days, he was working so hard to find his answers. His eyes were red and his eye bags were so evident in his pale face, his skin was used to be darker but he stayed in home the most part of his time since 2 months.

Nino was glancing to him so worried because of his health. The boy wanted to take care of Ohno but something inside of him, a voice maybe, his awareness or even his shyness stopped him to make the step forwards and talk about his behaviour. Ohno had been distanced from the boy since that night but Nino could feel him closer at the same time. In other words, both had more confident with each other but their communication deteriorated noticeably.

Nino felt alone in moments like that, the silent was a prison and his mind could not stop thinking even a second. He wanted his attention, maybe it was only selfishness by his part but he did not stay in this world to contemplate how the person he loved kept himself in that way.

He moved his legs and the steps against the floor were hesitated, his fear of a reject increased in his soul but he needed to make sure that Ohno still wanted to be beside him. With the man’s back in front of him, his arms raised to slip his hands over Ohno’s shoulders. His fingers touched Ohno’s chest and Nino embraced him as tight as he could resting his forehead in the man’s hair.

Ohno stayed still, he was surprised about the boy’s hug; nevertheless, a sense of relief grew inside of his heart. Ohno sighed to erase or at least hide his painful thoughts as the boy closed his eyes strongly keeping his tears inside them.

I have to be strong… I have to be strong for Satoshi…

No one spoke a word while they enjoyed the connection of their souls. That was the power which made them to continue fighting. Ohno only had Nino and Nino only had Ohno. Their world was not allowed for anyone more because nobody could understand the meaning of their love. They only could trust each other. They only were supported by each other.

“Kazu…” his whisper echoed the room. “Are you okay?” Ohno asked a bit worried about his sudden hug.

“Who is not okay here is you” Nino said bravely wanting to know the truth behind his coldness.

“I’m fine, maybe I’m working more lastly but it’s not important” Ohno faked a smile and Nino exploded not controlling what he said.

“Can you stop lying me?” Nino made a step backwards and looked Ohno’s face when the man turned around on his chair. “You are so odd and you don’t talk to me, I’m worried about you. I don’t know what to do, Sato…” his head was looking the floor and his tears fell finally. Ohno felt guilty, it was his fault, that was clear but, how could he tell Nino what he was planning?

“Do you trust me?” Ohno stood up to face Nino as the boy raised his gaze with blamed eyes as he nodded. “Then, just wait. I’m fixing our fate” his voice was relaxed. His face had a smile. His eyes showed love.

I trust you, Satoshi… But what are you going to do…?

I'm sorry to update it so lately but I'm full of final exams >-<
Even if I wrote it a bit fast, I hope that it is well-written and you enjoy it.
I almost sure that the next chapter may be the last so I will give my best to create the best ending!
Thanks for reading and comments are welcomed to know your opinion! ^^

comments

And... do you regret it? [Fic 3/?]

2017-05-24T21:42:20Z

Title: And... do you regret it?
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: PG-13
Lenght: chapter
Genre: angst, drama

Other drink. More alcohol to drink again. Why did he need it? Why did he end like this?

One week after of the argument with Nino, Ohno was so broken and lost. He did not know why but a piece of his heart stopped of being alive. He tried of forgetting him, he really tried with all his strength but he was out of control.

Why?

He wondered why Ninomiya was so important in his life after only 2 months. 2 months full of confessions, nights spent by talking during hours, funny moments together, but it was empty of loneliness. What he had felt his entire life disappeared because of Ninomiya. Nevertheless, it had returned deeper in his soul. It was unhandled for him; he needed a way to get out of that shit and feel better even if it would be only for a few hours.

He was at a night bar full of wonderful women who stared at him with dirty intentions in mind. Getting one to spend the night was so easy and his insanity controlled him completely. A little flirt and his irresistible smile and he had a lady following him to his house.

They started to kiss in the elevator; the lust provoked by the alcohol was clouding his little reason and he took the woman at his room directly undressing her.

Even if he did not want it, if he did not enjoy it, if he did not desire it, his mind was screaming to get free. He was so rude with her but his body could not stop; his eyes were closed as he sensed a so-well-known presence behind him. He knew that Ninomiya did not leave the house and he was seeing what Ohno was doing but he was not able to control himself to think coldly. He reached the climax and stood up almost immediately.

“I’m going to take a shower, when I get out, I don’t want to see you here anymore” he said with a husky voice, so heartless not caring in the woman who was watching him with a hateful look. Ohno walked until the bathroom and cleaned his body wanting to erase all of that woman, he accepted to do it but he was hating himself for that. He was not like that type of guy who only fucked with a strange each night and he did not want to know anything more after. Nevertheless, sex was the only option to distress his body.

It was like this since the last words which Ninomiya said to him that night. Just one week without him and he became to be the same unhappy person as always. When he moved, he promised himself to change it and thanks to Ninomiya, he was overcoming the sadness. He missed it, he missed the boy, he missed the two months in which he could feel what happiness is.

He hit hard the wall of the shower with his fist as his eyes shed the painful tears that he was saving since then. His head leaned on his forearm which was placed on the wall as he cried feeling the worst pain ever.

Why did he say me that?

Do I mean nothing for him?

Was I the only who felt something for the other?

It did not matter how many times he wondered it, he felt more powerless than before. No answer came to help him and his sorrows were storming him out without a clear path to follow. He was frustrated; even if Ninomiya told him to forget their friendship, the boy did not get out of the house.

Ohno decided to end his shower and sleep until the midday of the next day. His body was covered with only an underwear and his legs walked to the bed in which the woman continued there.

“Didn’t you hear me? Get out of here, please” Ohno said so annoyed because of the stubborn woman. She refused to go.

“You can’t fuck me to kick me out after” she shouted to him seemed so angry and Ohno clicked his tongue. When he was going to reply, a voice behind him appeared suddenly.

“Satoshi, what is going on here?” Ohno turned around and his eyes met one’s which he recognized so well. Ninomiya was in front of him, totally opaque and the boy blinked an eye. Ohno did not need to act to seem surprised.

“Are you gay?” the woman shouted again. “I better go” she stood up and walked through the two men who could not look at other place. Only when Satoshi heard the main door closed, he dared to ask.

“Kazu… Why…?”

“Shut up, why are you fucking with strangers?” his jealousy was evident and Ohno understood a lot of questions.

“Why are you so opaque? Maybe it’s because you are fucking jealous?” Ohno knew that saying those replies, he would not win anything but he was tired of the boy’s odd game.

“And if I’m really jealous, what?” Ninomiya stared at him so deeply and Satoshi swallowed feeling helpless in front of him. He did not answer. “I don’t want any women close to you” he was being so possessive but inside of him, he did not care about that. He wanted to be the first person to Ohno.

“Are you in love with me?” Satoshi took the risk to uncover the truth.

“Is something bad?” he was challenging with his gaze.

“Answer properly”

“Yes” Ohno wanted to laugh for an instant but his mind was shocked. He opted for a simple nod and he walked until the bed to lie down on it trying to organize his mind; his head was in pain, maybe because of the alcohol or Nino’s confession.

Ninomiya was upset; he expected a different reaction by Ohno. Even if it would be bad, he wanted to hear what Ohno thought of that instead of silent. Ohno’s silent; his precious silent which brought him a lot of calm sometimes was annoying him until the limit of his nerves. He confessed his feelings to someone who did not express some show of interest at all.

“Thank you for saving me from that woman” the man said in a low voice and he covered his body with the sheets. He did not want to show his face flushed. Ninomiya stayed in front of the bed being unable to speak. A knot in his throat was drowning him feeling so much pain in his soul.

“It was easy” the boy said sweetly and he raised his head with a smile in his face. Ohno saw it, he saw that fake smile which hurt him because it meant that the boy did not trust him to say that he wanted a reply. He could see how Nino wanted to cry but his eyes did not shed any tear.

“Is lying to me easy too?” Ohno seated in the bed and his sleepy eyes stared at the boy who put down his painful face. “Kazunari, is it easy?”

“No… It’s not at all…” his shoulders trembled full of rage as he searched his courage. “Can you answer me?” he said destroying the bit of strength he had already.

“How can I say that maybe I’m in love with you too?” Ninomiya opened his eyes wildly feeling no floor under his feet. “How can I accept that I’m unable to touch you, that I can’t hug you, that I can’t have a normal life by your side? Tell me how and I will be yours, because I feel broken every time that I remember how my hand pierced you” Ohno swallowed keeping a sob in his throat. He thought that saying it would be easier than it was.

Nevertheless, Ninomiya approached the bed and he kneed on it hesitated to do what he wanted. “Just let me do” he said and his arms were placed around Ohno’s neck, his face was hidden smelling his fragrance combined with the shampoo while his body was so close against Ohno’s.

“Kazu…” he was surprised because of his hug but suddenly something inside of him felt so good. Instead of the last time, he was sensing Nino touching him; as if he was really hugging him. He tried to embrace him back but when he approached his arms, they pierced the silhouette again. Ohno felt so powerless and his chest hurt as nothing similar.

“Thanks for making me love again” the boy said as the owner could know how Nino was crying even if his tears were not real. “Now, I can go” Nino smiled to his friend and he saw the Light when his head was turned to look around. It was beautiful and it had a strength which was pulling him to go there. When Nino wanted to contemplate Ohno’s beautiful face again, he found a terrified one.

“Go where?” he muttered full of scare.

“I’m seeing the Light finally” Nino smiled and Ohno denied.

“Impossible, you can’t go now, you can’t leave me alone now” Ohno started to be in panic as he saw his friend disappearing. Even if Nino transmitted a totally relaxed sense while he was smiling, Ohno refused to accept it. “Kazu, don’t do this to me, please, stay with me” his tears fell down on his cheeks and Nino began to understand the meaning of Ohno’s words. “I can’t live with you… Kazu, please…” he cried desperately as the boy was almost disappeared.

“Satoshi, I can’t keep myself in this world longer…” his face changed and his smiled faded away. His anxiety returned to him as those days when he could not find the Light and now that he had it in front of him, he did not go there. Nino wanted to stay by his side, he realized how Ohno needed him and he could not leave him alone, after these few months together he was all he had.

Meanwhile, its strength was pulling him in as Ohno did not sense his friend’s presence anymore. He felt dead, his heart did not want to beat anymore and his breath was harsh.

Have I lost him forever?

His mind could not assimilate that Ninomiya was not there anymore. He was alone again. He had no one. He had nothing. His happiness, his desire to live faded away with the boy.

Kazu, I need you…

Nino was his lifesaver. He was his all. He was realizing it, that annoyed boy who appeared in front of him became his reason to live a day more. He remembered it, how interesting Nino seemed that night, how disturbed he was because of that, but how his desire of knowing the boy increased so swiftly.

You can’t die now…

His eyes were irritated of crying and his hand started to rub them hardly. He stayed with his eyes closed for a few moments and when he could see again, a silhouette was in front of him.

“Even if I thought that I was ready, I have to do one more thing here” the boy smiled and Ohno covered his face crying so hard. His sobs were loud but he did not care, Kazu, his Kazu, was by his side and only that was important. “You need to sleep, I promised you that I won’t go away” Nino said sweetly and he calmed his friend to make him rest.

Ohno laid down on the bed trying to sleep as he was feeling Nino behind him. Nino embraced the man to make him know that he wasn’t going to anywhere. The boy had a dark expression in his face when Ohno could not see him.

Did I do it well? Did I have to come back?

I don't know why I don't like how this chapter is but I hope you enjoy it!
Maybe too much drama? Cliché? Is it bad explained? I have to stop of being so strict with myself XD
Because of that, tell me if you liked it or not, maybe I can resolve my internal doubts XD
Thanks for reading!

comments

And... do you regret it? [Fic 2/?]

2017-05-21T21:02:55Z

Title: And... do you regret it?
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: PG
Lenght: chapter
Genre: angst, drama

Ohno had a lot of work to do opening boxes and cleaning the house. He wanted to do it slowly but his desire to see the house complete was so strong in him. Even if he tried so hard to give his best, he could only finish the bedroom.

He liked how it ended: the walls were white combining with the furniture, a big bed with a beautiful painting drawn by him on the top, a cream wardrobe aside of the windows with large and soft curtains and in the other side, there was an old desk with an amount of books stacked there and in the library situated in front of the bed.

When he felt proud of himself, he wanted to show it to some people but he had not anyone to see his room. In this case, the loneliness was hard to control and his happiness faded out. His long eyelashes blinked not to let a tear fall as he left the room. He missed a friend, his mother, someone to talk for a while, even if he could call them in the phone, it was not the same.

He reached the living room and seated in the sofa trying to control his feelings. His head turned to a side as he found the ghost looking at him interested for some reason.

“You again?” Ohno frowned and started to ignore him. At the end, it was not a nightmare, he was real.

“Well, I thought you needed to talk but if I bother you, I’m leaving…” the boy provoked Ohno so easily that he was amazed. Ninomiya smiled when Ohno stopped him and accepted to talk a while. Maybe it could seem stupid to do but there was only Ninomiya to listen him and he wanted to take advantage of that chance. Little by little, both started to talk about meaningless things which they enjoyed, the time spent together filled up their emptiness as they began to know more about each other.

Ohno did not feel talking with a ghost, Ninomiya could be as human as he with feelings, likes and worries, only a real body was the different between them.

The boy was a help to handle his loneliness and they talked each day more becoming friends in short time. Ohno did sometimes not talk so much but he could feel how someone was there with him at least. That was comforting because when he needed some type of advice, Nino was so good in thinking one.

In other hand, having the ghost near was funny too, Ninomiya liked to scare him a lot of times and see how Ohno wanted to punch him as he was unable to do it. They ended laughing like if they had always been together, if they know each other for a long time, if they had a special connection.

During that time, Ohno thought that he was a little crazy but he fixed it with time. It was even relaxing to be with Ninomiya chatting a bit or laughing by his side of something stupid. He liked it, he really liked not knowing the reason. When he returned to home, a greeted was always said to the ghost and a reply was given to him. Deep in his heart, something was glad to have met the boy.

He was not sure if the ghost thought the same about him but his mind realized that Ninomiya was kinder than the first night he spent there. Ninomiya was a good boy, so distrustful but so nice and funny. Ohno really liked that part of him because when he had a bad day, cheering him up was easy for the boy who did it a lot of times without a request by Ohno’s part.

After thinking it a lot of times, Ohno –who never doubted to do something- found his courage to ask the boy a question which was bothering him for the 2 months he had been living there.

“Nino” he called him like the boy told him once. “Why do you always support me if you don’t know me at all?” their eyes met as they were sitting on the floor in front of each other. Nino pouted a little as he was thinking in it and Ohno started to be impatient.

“I’m bored” he answered simply and his face revealed no expression to figure out. Ohno could hardly trust his words. How can a person help other so much because he is bored? Even if his face said nothing, his eyes reflected a strange brightness which made Ohno more curious.

“And can’t it be that you don’t like to see me bad?” Ohno analysed his reaction and behaviour and it was like he predicted. Nino looked away and his body was clearer to see because he was accumulating too much energy as Nino told him once –“I haven’t a heart to feel my emotions, but my energy defines how I am in that moment, if I’m transparent means that I’m relaxed, no feelings are inside me, but if I’m more opaque than unusual means that I’m feeling something so strong”-. Ohno was amazed because Nino could be misunderstanding with a real person.

“That’s not true” he only spoke those words which sounded so coldly and regret appeared inside of Ohno but it did not stop him to provoke the boy until finding the truth.

“And then why are you so opaque now?” he was sure that Nino was hiding something related with him and he wanted to know it at all costs.

“Can you shut up?!” the boy shouted and Ohno could feel a fear running through his veins as the lights started to blink frenetically. The owner looked around him not knowing what to do and when his gaze returned to Nino, he was not there. After a few seconds of that, the lights settled finally but he could feel the boy near, he was nearer than he thought because the boy was watching him since a corner until he could calm himself.

Ohno’s words hurt him for some reason, the truth that Nino did not want to accept was spoken and his mind needed to rethink why he was like that if he had always been so cold and ruthless with others not caring about their feelings. The man could read what he was thinking and Nino could not let it happen because otherwise he would be naked in front of someone who had the power to hurt him whenever he wanted.

How was he so carefree with Ohno? He committed a mistake and there was only one option to go back when both meant nothing for each other, or at least for him. It would hurt, he knew it but that was the price he had to pay for being a friend with a human.

Days after, Nino did not appear around Ohno and the man’s loneliness increased a lot making his time a torture which never ended. Sometimes he walked in the house calling his name but no one replied. His friend vanished since the last time and his regrets were killing his awareness slowly.

Why did it hurt him so much if Nino was only a ghost? Ohno had to admit that it did not matter what Nino was, the boy brought him a good memories and moments to remember in a future. But he got used to find him when he returned of work or when he woke up. Thinking it coldly, Nino was always by his side watching what he was doing or waiting for him. Ohno realized that he was someone so important to Nino and he hurt him with his stupid, selfish questions. He needed to fix it because he could feel the boy by his side but no more than a sense was there.

“Nino, I want to fix what I said the other day, I’m sorry for that, I talked too much and I’m sure I hurt you. I’m really sorry, can you come back?” he started to talk in the middle of the room and he did not care how crazy he could seem, he wanted Nino back. He waited talking more and more, he knew that the boy was there so he had to use that chance. “I want you back because I’m lonely without you, please” even if Ohno did not realized what he said, Nino was totally amazed.

“You are so selfish” a whisper was told to Ohno in his ear, a fear was blocked by a sense of relieve for talking again with him. “You want me only not to feel lonely…” his voice echoed his ears and a shiver travelled his spine.

“That’s not true, I’m missing you” his sincerity was uncovered abruptly and Nino made himself visible. Ohno approached the boy but Nino made a step backwards.

“How can you miss a ghost?” his eyes were full of pain and Ohno could notice how broke the boy was. A huge desire to hug him grew inside of him but it would be useless, his body would pierce Nino’s.

“Because you became someone important in my life, you are my friend” Nino’s jaw was trembling controlling his desire to cry, after so many years feeling nothing, Ohno was making that Nino started to trust someone finally.

“Satoshi…” his name was almost inaudible and Ohno stepped forwards to try what he wanted to do. His hand was raised and he attempted to touch his cheek. The hand pierced the silhouette like if he was only a hologram and Ohno felt a pain in his heart, so hard and unknown. He was sure about what was going to happen but until he did not check it like truthiness, his mind could not assimilate it as such. “I’m a ghost, please don’t forget it” Ninomiya smiled trying to only remember the part where Ohno wanted to touch him and not in which the life-death limits took part. His body became invisible again; he was sure that Ohno did not need a stupid boy by his side to be happy. Even if that apartment had been his house for so long, it was time to leave it and pass the Light. But as always, it did not matter how much he desired it, he could not find it.

Ninomiya was hearing his friend shouting his name to came back and talk. Ohno did not give up. He shouted again and again his name “Kazunari!” but the boy rejected the option to stay longer there. Ninomiya had never felt so much pain in his chest even when he had a real heart. He wondered why he was feeling that, that pain which appeared inside him every time Ohno was by his side. It was horrible to feel; more horrible than living his last life.

“Why can’t you shut up and forget me?!” Ninomiya appeared suddenly shouting Ohno who was still in the centre of the room watching how the boy was totally opaque.

“Do you really want that?” a tear fell.

“Being with you is the worst thing which could happen to me” a heart was broken.

“Understood”

How could I say that?

I hope that this chapter is more interested than the first, now they started to know each other nee?
Like always, comments are welcomed!
Thanks for reading ^^

comments

And... do you regret it? [Fic 1/?]

2017-05-20T19:03:37Z

Title: And... do you regret it?
Pairing: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Rating: PG
Lenght: chapter
Genre: angst, drama

Bit by bit, the room started to be full of boxes with stuffs inside of them. Their weights were difficult to move but between two people, the duty was easier. Sometimes the furniture could bother them to pass with the boxes in their arms as they laughed because of the strange poses they had to make to pass.
After a lot of hours working, the move was complete and the two boys who did it where exhausted while their bodies were resting on the sofa. A few drinks after, the owner’s friend decided to come back to his house.

“Thank you so much, Jun-kun. You have helped me a lot” his face expressed a tired, grateful smile. His friend denied.

“You’re welcome, it was funny” Jun’s hand patted his shoulder to say goodbye and the owner closed the door as he sighed wanting to sleep urgently.

He went to the bedroom and put the futon on the floor, but when he started to undress, he realized how sweat he was; a shower was required. He was alone so he could walk naked through the house. Before he came in the shower, he looked himself in the mirror and rubbed his hair with both hands closing his eyes. When he looked again, a shadow ran behind him.

At first time, he was afraid but his mind maybe was so tired that it could already see even a flying elephant. He focused in cleaning his body with the hot water which was falling over him. He rubbed his skin slowly with a bit of shampoo and when his hands started with the hair, he felt somebody behind him so clearly. His throat swallowed the amount of saliva which his dry mouth could produce. His feet moved to turn around and see what he had staring at his back. His gaze looked afraid to see what he did not want to see and he found nothing.
His mind was so tired of all and he ended in the shower to walk out and dry his body up. His hair was still wet but that was not important, he needed to rest and sleep for many consecutive hours. But when he lied down on the futon, he could not reach the sleepiness; his eyes were so open and the darkness was so unrelaxed that night. Maybe it was because of first night, he thought, but inside of him, he was not sure. He never felt something like what he lived in the bathroom. He would not forget that fear filing his soul for a few seconds in which he turned around to face that presence.

He took the decision to stand up and drink some water, maybe it would help him to calm his temples. Meanwhile, he thought in what it could be. When he talked with the house’s seller, this man did not speak about some ghost wandering around, although if he would have done it, nobody had wanted to live there.
Even so, he was convinced about he was with some spirit towards him. His deeper thoughts were praying that it was only his stupidities of always but his rational part sensed someone more by his side, it was so annoying and desperate.

Finally, when he walked in the living room to catch a book to read, he saw it, he saw a boy, a younger boy looking at him with amused expression, but for some reason, pale and lifeless. His heart stopped a second and his voice wanted to get out like a scream. He pointed the presence with a finger and the presence stared at him unbelievable.

“It can’t be! Can you see me?!” the presence ran until the man and the owner made a few steps backwards.

“Who are you?!” he was shivering and his mind was blocked full of fear.

“I’m Ninomiya Kazunari, don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you” he rose a hand like a promise as his face continued totally amused. “And your name is…?

“Oh-Ohno Satoshi” his voice trembled a little feeling the panic through his veins but he did not move. He stayed still facing that presence who called himself Kazunari.

"I can't believe that you can see me..." the presence sighed relieved and seated on the sofa like if he was a real person in his house. "I was bored with nobody to talk" he pouted and for a second, Ohno saw him even cute. "Sit with me and talk for a while, please" Kazunari was arrogant and annoyed. Ohno was irritated rather than scared and that was unusual.

"I won't talk with a ghost, that's the least that I need today" Ohno closed his eyes frustration. How had he ended living with a ghost? Even if he wanted to tell Jun, his best friend, he wouldn't believe him. It was so surrealistic that he opted to go to the bed and discover if that entire crazy situation was a nightmare.

When he opened his eyes again, the ghost was not there anymore. A shiver went up through his spine and he started to see the room darker. Ohno was telling himself mentally that all was unreal but the fear was squeezing his soul. And then it was when a whisper was spoken in his ear.

"What a pity, Satoshi-kun..." Ohno swallowed as his eyes rolled frenetically around the room to find the ghost but he could not see him. The lights started to blink and he tried to breathe deeply calming his mind to think coldly. It was clear that the ghost was playing with him, Ohno had to give him what he wanted.

"Okay, okay, I'll talk with you" Ohno seated on the sofa seemed calmed and the ghost appeared again faster than a light.

"Good boy" Kazunari smiled and Ohno tried not to punch him hard, among other things because his hand would touch nothing and he would seem so stupid.

Ohno waited for something more, for questions to answer, for more paranormal activities but nothing came. He turned his head to see Kazunari and he did not feel fear, he looked at the ghost analysing his face, his gaze, his hair, his complexion. Ohno found a scared boy, he knew it because his eyes were looking for something constantly but nothing was found. A sense of pity was created inside of him and a strange interest made him to talk.

“Ninomiya-kun, right?” his mouth hesitated and the boy nodded looking him with a serious expression. “How did you die?” his mind was centred in one thing and it was his death; he needed some type of explanation of why he was there. The boy raised his eyebrows and smiled bitterly.

“I killed myself” he said calmed and Ohno swallowed tensed. “I cut my veins and bled out” Ninomiya watched Ohno’s reaction and he was paler than the ghost.

“Did nobody find you?” he asked more interested. “You look so younger to have lived alone” Ohno tried to know all the ghost would want to say.

“You’re right, I was 17 years old but I was always alone, so it was easy” Ninomiya nodded slowly and giggled because Ohno had an anguished face.

“And... do you regret it?” the boy looked at the man thinking how dared he was. Ninomiya liked brave people so he continued answering.

“At all” because of some reason, Ohno felt a huge desire to cry abruptly and he could know that it was what the boy was feeling in that moment. “Okay, I’m not used to talk so much already, go to sleep, I won’t kill you in the middle of the night” his voice was impregnated of irony. Ohno wanted to reply but the presence vanished leaving no proof about his existence.

He was so disturbed and he was not afraid anymore about a stupid, arrogant ghost. His legs could not almost walk and his entire body felt even sick. This time he could sleep. His eyes were closed and his mind disconnected of the world for many hours. Ohno forget about the ghost, about his story and how he felt while listening it and he could sleep finally.

Meanwhile, a boy was seated in a corner of the room watching the sleeping man. He bit his lower lip worried of something inside his mind. Deep in his heart he was grateful for having someone to talk but in the other hand, how would it be? Maybe all his peace could break in pieces with a strange in his house.

It was a paradox, he had dreamed about someone to talk again for a lot of years but now that he had it, he was afraid. His soul was broke enough to receive more pain. He was broken, he could not trust anyone and Ohno would not be an exception.

It's kinda short but I want to see if you like it or not. (I hope that it'll be yes >.<)
Btw, comments are so welcomed, I love read your opinions ^^

comments